Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

Essays  |  Matches  |  Memorable  |  Tour  |  Tributes

 

 

 

 

Official MAD Touring Records and Memories

 

*

 

 

 

Tour is an integral part of a Far from the MCC cricketing resume. In fact, some would opine that Tour is in fact the whole point of the cricket season. A bunch of summer days for the team to come together as one big family and strike out to pastures new. To make new and lasting friendships, to get pissed and boost local pub trades, and inbetween all the fun even attempt to play some cricket.

 

So here it is – a shrine of sorts – dedicated to all things MAD Tour and the institution it has subsequently become.

 

By clicking on Match number (XXX) in the list of Tours below, you will be then taken to the scorecards for that particular game and any associated match report.

 

 

 

 

 

Chronological MAD Tour Reports & Results

 

*

 

Seasons 1999 - 2016  ( M41, W13, D1, L26, NR1 )

 

Match

 

Date

Opponent

Venue

Overs

 

Result

018

24 / 07 / 99

v Quayside Occasionals  T

Little Bredy, Dorset

16

Won by 67 runs

030

15 / 07 / 00

v Brewers Troops  T

Little Bredy, Dorset

30

Won by 47 runs

031

16 / 07 / 00

v Brewers Troops  T

Martinstown, Dorset

30

Won by 6 wkts

060

11 / 08 / 02

v Callington CC  T

Callington, Cornwall

40

Lost by 7 wkts

077

17 / 08 / 03

v Minehead CC  T

Alcombe, Somerset

35

Lost by 68 runs

078

18 / 08 / 03

v Stogumber CC  T

Stogumber, Somerset

T20

Lost by 6 wkts

079

19 / 08 / 03

v Timberscombe CC  T

Timberscombe, Somerset

35

Lost by 39 runs

093

31 / 07 / 04

v Minehead CC  T

Alcombe, Somerset

40

Won by 8 wkts

094

01 / 08 / 04

v Timberscombe CC  T

Timberscombe, Somerset

40

Won by 74 runs

095

02 / 08 / 04

v Stogumber CC  T

Stogumber, Somerset

T20

Lost by 5 wkts

096

03 / 08 / 04

v Watchet CC  T

Watchet, Somerset

35

Won by 62 runs

112

31 / 07 / 05

v Timberscombe CC  T

Timberscombe, Somerset

35

Lost by 5 wkts

113

01 / 08 / 05

v Stogumber CC  T

Stogumber, Somerset

25

Won by 38 runs

114

02 / 08 / 05

v Watchet CC  T

Watchet, Somerset

35

Lost by 1 wkt

146

17 / 08 / 07

v Sidley CC  T

Sidley, Eastbourne

40

Won by 7 wkts

147

20 / 08 / 07

v Worthing Chippingdale  T

Worthing, Eastbourne

35

Lost by 30 runs

163

15 / 08 / 08

v Whitland CC  T

Whitland, Mumbles (Wales)

35

Lost by 5 wkts

164

16 / 08 / 08

v Mumbles CC  T

Mumbles, Mumbles (Wales)

30

Abandoned

185

13 / 08 / 09

v Louth CC  T

London Road, Louth

40

Lost by 96 runs

186

15 / 08 / 09

v Kevis Old Boys  T

London Road, Louth

40

Lost by 48 runs

187

16 / 08 / 09

v Legbourne CC  T

Legbourne, Louth

30

Won by 8 wkts

213

13 / 08 / 10

v Honiton CC  T

Honiton, East Devon

40

Lost by 3 runs

214

15 / 08 / 10

v Uplyme & Lyme Regis  T

Uplyme, East Devon

35

Lost by 2 wkts

245

12 / 08 / 11

v Hayling Island CC  T

Hayling Park, Portsmouth

40

Lost by 4 runs

246

14 / 08 / 11

v Portchester CC  T

Cams Hill School, Portsmouth

40

Lost by 3 wkts

247

15 / 08 / 11

v Longparish CC  T

Longparish, Portsmouth

35

Lost by 6 runs

269

09 / 08 / 12

v Happisburgh CC  T

Happisburgh, Norfolk

40

Lost by 4 wkts

270

10 / 08 / 12

v Saxlingham Gents  T

Saxlingham N’gate, Norfolk

25

Lost by 1 run

271

12 / 08 / 12

v Marlingford CC  T

Marlingford, Norfolk

40

Lost by 9 wkts

305

08 / 08 / 13

v Weston Super Mare CC  T

Weston S Mare, WSM

T20

Lost by 6 wkts

306

09 / 08 / 13

v Wembdon CC  T

Wembdon, WSM

40

Lost by 6 wkts

307

11 / 08 / 13

v Belvedere CC  T

Weston S Mare 2nds, WSM

40

Lost by 2 wkts

339

08 / 08 / 14

v Wroxeter Grove CC  T

Shire Hall, Shrewsbury

T20

Lost by 26 runs

369

06 / 08 / 15

v Sarisbury Athletic CC  T

Sarisbury Green, Hampshire

T20

Lost by 26 runs

370

07 / 08 / 15

v Hythe and Dibden CC  T

Ewart Rec’ Ground, Hampshire

25

Match Tied

371

08 / 08 / 15

v Trojans CC  T

Wellington Ground, Hampshire

35

Won by 5 runs

372

09 / 08 / 15

v Pylewell Park CC  T

Pylewell Park, Hampshire

35

Won by 21 runs

399

04 / 08 / 16

v Bramshaw CC  T

Roundhill, Hampshire

T20

Won by 5 wkts

400

05 / 08 / 16

v Hythe and Dibden CC  T

Ewart Rec’ Ground, Hampshire

25

Lost by 8 wkts

401

06 / 08 / 16

v Knights Valley CC  T

Knightwood LC, Hampshire

40

Lost by 81 runs

402

07 / 08 / 16

v Pylewell Park CC  T

Pylewell Park, Hampshire

35

Won by 15 runs

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

What is a MAD Tour?

 

“A MAD Tour is the chance for Middle Aged Men who should know better to constantly abuse their insides with harmful quantities of alcohol and junk food. And who then wonder why it takes a week to recover.”

-  M. Rundle  19/02/2016

 

“…it’s too hard to sum up and so I’m not going to attempt it. It’s about friends and cricket. Over indulgence of friendship whilst playing cricket is definitely a drug – and is one addiction I intend never to stub out.”

-  J. Hoskins  08/02/2016

 

“A MAD Tour is a chance to escape the monotony of adult daily life and head off out of Oxfordshire for an extended weekend on the piss with your mates. It is a hedonistic bonding exercise of extreme bromance with a good dose of our favourite sport thrown in for good measure. A chance to discover pastures new in the heat of summer, meet friends afresh and create long-standing memories – if indeed you are sober enough to remember anything.  It is the epicentre of our cricket season.”

-  I. Howarth  06/10/2016

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

2016    Hythe, Hampshire

 

 

 

 

 

“Fountain Court Hotel: Also known, by us as ‘Balti Towers’ (as per the Indian owners). They say you should never go back, but if we listened to ‘them’ we would have missed out on the following Pros & Cons:

 

Pro: Rooms Big enough to accommodate 3 blokes, plus ducks plus kit

Con: Walls thin enough to hear what’s happening in next room…. “For Fucks Sake Bob, put a cork in it… Jesus!”

 

Pro: Karaoke

Con: Karaoke

 

Pro:  Easy Access to room if you misplace your key (See Thorn)

Con: Easy Access to room if you have no key (See Matt)

 

Pro: Set in quiet area

Con: Fucking (1.3) Miles from The Nelson pub

 

Pro: Interesting local ‘characters’ in the Bar

Con: Locals cause the Bar to close at ‘normal’ time.

 

Pro: Big car park

Con: Not big enough to avoid running Giant Duck over and squashing the First Aid Bag.”

-  M. Rundle  24/08/2016

 

 

 

 

“Perhaps more infamous than anything else, the all-out assault on the senses which constituted Hythe & Dibden Friday (HDF). The day after the day before. The day before being the arrival in Hampshire to get plastered and the Friday being a continuum thereof until early evening for a scheduled 25 over game. Having barely any recognition of 2015’s debacle, it was with some smug comfort that I bore witness to teammate’s intoxication this time around. Some asleep on highway benches, some in a haze of amorous overdrive and others with glazed eyes as they bounced pint glasses off pub forecourts. That the day should stagger on until the early hours of Saturday morning for an impromptu question and answers in a conference room is mind-boggling.”

-  I. Howarth  12/10/16

 

 

 

 

 

 

2015    Hythe, Hampshire

 

 

 

 

 

“Breaking and entering Downtown Fucking Abbey: After failing to make the team for the final match of Tour, Ian Howarth and Mark Rundle decided to take in numerous pubs as they hiked from Lymington to the cricket ground of Pylewell Park. There are many direct routes, but they chose instead to climb walls, cross wheat fields, navigate barb wire and hidden brooks, and sneak through the grounds of the mansion – arriving just in time for cricket teas.”

-  M. Rundle  19/02/2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

2014    f______ T______

 

 

 

 

 

“Mark Rundle non-catch: So, what do we remember about the one game played on the infamous 2014 Tour to f_____ T_____? Was it the 8000+ runs left on the boundary in the shape of Spam and Moo? Was is Geoff kicking the ball over the boundary in what is the worst single piece of fielding I have ever seen? Was it that guy smacking the pink ball over the council offices and into the middle of next week? No, towards the end of their innings a flat shot was hit straight towards Mark Rundle at long on. As the ball sailed through the air he planted his feet, raised his hands and set himself for a regulation catch. As the ball hurtled towards him, he stood there statuesque. Closer and closer it came and still he remained, frozen it time and space. I could only think it was going straight down his throat. Then, ssswwwwoooooossssshhhhh and it passed about three feet to his left. Not a flicker, not a twitch. That’s how I remember it.”

-  M. Reeves  09/12/2015

 

 

 

 

“Jake’s magically appearing golf ball in the T______ International Centre car park: Disconsidering the nearby golf course, Jake is both stunned and amused when a golf ball suddenly bounces on the tarmac just metres away from him….”

-  M. Rundle  19/02/2016  &  G. Timms  17/02/16

 

 

 

 

“Wonderland, Wonderland-d-d-d-d-d....”: So bad was the Tour to f______ T______ in 2014, the tourists paid entry to a kids theme park (Wonderland) near the shitty Holiday Inn so they could compete on a crazy golf course. Worse, wherever you stood, walked or hit bloody balls, you were serenaded by a theme tune telling you it was ‘big fun for little people’…. AAAARRGGGHHHH!!!!”

-  M. Rundle  19/02/2016  &  G. Timms  17/02/16

 

 

 

 

“It is sometimes said the most disappointing and shameful episodes are often the most memorable. The Tour to f______ T______ in 2014 qualified on all levels on all days. Aside from a trip to Shrewsbury to stay by a motorway in Telford and play hardly any cricket, Chairman Mr M. Bullock escorted half the team on a route march around a pretty Shropshire town in full bloom to a ‘highly rated’ CAMRA watering hole. Notwithstanding this excursion bypassed a multitude of excellent pubs and beer gardens on the way, it was the fact that after an hour’s slog up and down winding hills and cobbled streets the pub was in fact shut. Closed for business. Nothing doing. Side-splittingly funny.

 

Fortunately there was another pub nearby and fortunately Mr Westmoreland had the energy to walk back into town to buy a job lot of Gregg’s pasties. I still laugh about this sad sad tale sandwiched as it was between a sad few days, and I’m only grateful Tour debutant and future Skipper Mr Timms could see the funny side of it all. Totally Priceless. It could only ever have happened on this doomed Tour.”

-  I. Howarth  05/10/16

 

 

 

 

 

 

2013    Weston-super-Mare

 

 

 

 

 

Shitstairs-gate, Weston 2013:  Could it be anything other than no.1, even tho it’s a no.2 technically…. At breakfast on the morning after a day on the lash, a muted atmosphere is noted to be prevalent. In fact, it seems pretty hostile when the proprietors’ son enters the room to announce that someone’s walked dogshit all the way up the staircase of the Corbiere Guest House. People hurriedly finish their eggs and bacon to follow the dotted brown line… which goes right to the top and under the door of Howarth and Rundle’s room. On further inspection of evening footwear, the mystery is solved as Ian Howarth spends the next half an hour rinsing his trainers in the sink.”

-  M. Rundle  19/02/2016

 

 

 

 

“Thorn kicking the shite out of his kitbag on way to train station, 2013: The last day of Tour and tempers are frayed. Joe Public are entertained / shocked / amazed as Thorn’s less than useful kitbag is on the receiving end of a sustained torrent of abuse and prolonged shit-kicking. Fucking hilarious!”

-  M. Rundle  19/02/2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

2012    Norfolk

 

 

 

 

 

Happisberg versus Haysborough: It’s time to bring to light a feud which has been bubbling since 2012 and the Tour of Norfolk. The match against Happisburgh is perhaps best remembered for the recorded fining of over £120 administered by Paddy after the game, or the confusion after Dan’s request that he would like to open the batting was met with the response ‘good for you’. However I remember the game for Paddy’s insistence that the village is called Hap-is-berg whereas I know it is correctly pronounced as Hays-borough. I will not be backing down over this and hopefully neither will Paddy….”

-  M. Reeves  09/12/2015

 

 

 

 

“An honourable mention should also go to Jake spending a night outside sleeping on a bench because he didn’t know the difference between push and pull on the door of the B&B.”

-  M. Reeves  09/12/2015

 

 

 

 

 

 

2011    Southsea, Hampshire

 

 

 

 

 

“The moment when Leggate turned up with a toilet seat around his neck.”

-  J. Hoskins  08/02/2016

 

“Iconic. Symbolic. Fucked up. Brilliantly funny and utterly unforgettable. Skipper Ian Leggate and his bog seat medallion. Gonzo would later turn up at Hayling Island looking like a toilet warrior – going on to commandeer one of the great games of Tour cricket. Thankfully Ian chose not to bat with the bog seat and batted bloody well.”

-  I. Howarth  24/08/2016

 

 

 

 

“Thorn’s Expansive Leave: When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling sad. I simply remember that middle stump rocking back, and then I don’t feel ssssooooo sad. This occurred in the match against Hayling Island in 2011. A game remembered for Howarth’s heroics coupled with his failure to understand the principle of limited overs. I was umpiring, with Ian at the non-striker’s end and Thorn on strike. The bowler bowled and Thorn planted his front foot forward in a beautiful expansive leave. It was text book, watchful, with the bat raised well away from any danger. I watched it all the way from the bowler’s hand as it went wicket to wicket, pitched in-line and didn’t deviate. I think Ian’s hernia almost burst too. Priceless.”

-  M. Reeves  09/12/2015

 

 

 

 

 

 

2010    Honiton, East Devon

 

 

 

 

 

“Ian Howarth – a ‘cunt times two’: this is also my all-time favourite fine. It occurred in the bar during the 2010 Tour to Lyme Regis. Ian Leggate was the fines chairman and although I can’t quite remember what Mr Howarth’s misdemeanour was, I’m sure it thoroughly deserved 50p for being a cunt. Then, just like a player ‘on a yellow’ and failing to heed the warning, it was only a couple of seconds later that a second offense was committed. Yes Ian, you’re not just a cunt, you’re a ‘cunt times two’.”

-  M. Reeves  09/12/2015

 

 

 

 

“Ball on to Stevie D’s car: Not much to say about this one. In the 2010 encounter with Uplyme & Lyme Regis CC, I hit a big moo over mid-on. There was the sound of the ripping of leaves as it went through the trees and then a loud thwack as it struck something metal. Could only be a car, but whose car could it be? A shoe-in for Champagne Moment of the Season, but I’m not bitter.”

-  M. Reeves  09/12/2015

 

 

 

 

 

 

2009    Louth, Lincolnshire

 

 

 

 

 

“The moment that Ian Leggate decided to salsa dance with England Captain Clare Taylor.”

-  J. Hoskins  08/02/2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

2008    Mumbles

 

 

 

 

 

“It never relented. Never. Not once. Every day you would wake up in this godforsaken accommodation on the Gower Peninsula and prey the clouds had parted. Every day your hopes were shattered as soon as soon as you pulled back the curtains – if indeed you had any curtains. Perhaps sympathetic to our cause, and against their better judgement, a couple of teams agreed to try and play some cricket in the shitty weather. One of the games even finished. Just. Local pubs broadcasting Olympic weightlifting would offer a modicum of cheer, but aside from leaving the Mumbles a day early due to alcoholic poisoning (the shame of it), it is the afternoon’s round at Ashleigh Road Golf Course I remember most vividly. A day so depressingly soul-destroyingly fucking miserable, that even the most positive members of the touring posse were reduced to tears. Watching rain run in torrents off the sloping shoulders of Dave Shorten as he sat dejected on tree stump staring into oblivion almost haunts me to this day….”

-  I. Howarth  02/07/2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

2004    Minehead, Somerset

 

 

 

club2004Mainb

 

 

“The Hill – somewhere above the Dunkery Beacon Hotel: a crazy and hedonistic night which culminated in the above photograph being taken by Jake Hotson sometime after sunrise. From what I recall, it all started with the appropriately named Father Chem (the late and great Adie Fisher) administering certain compounds to the team in the early evening. Many of these ‘individuals’ would later find themselves manning an honesty bar within the hotel, but I can honestly say there wasn’t much ‘honesty’ involved. Sometime after midnight, with a pint of vodka and orange to hand, an advanced party decided to climb a nearby hillside to watch the sun come up. From what I recall, Jake Hotson would fall down a brook whilst somehow avoiding any spillage by holding his pint aloft – muck akin to the Statue of Liberty; Mike Clarke would singe his jeans and bollocks straddling an electric fence; and at a later point… much later or earlier as the case may be, there was simply a blackout, where Mr Hotson remained solely awake to take the above iconic photo.

 

On returning to the hotel in a dishevelled and less than satisfactory state, Jake would then go through the motions of giving himself third degree burns whilst making himself a morning cuppa (see below). Maybe he should have had a gentle nap on the hill like everybody else, huh? But then that’s insomnia for you…. It was a night of total and utter wrong that in subsequent years feels increasingly so utterly right.”

-  I. Howarth  24/08/2016

 

 

 

 

“2004 Tour to Minehead – the moment when Jake, devastated because Doc wouldn’t allow him to play because of burns to his hand following the kettle incident, scored all day with a plastic bag around his hand.”

-  J. Hoskins  08/02/2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

2003    Minehead, Somerset

 

 

 

 

 

 

“2003 Tour to Minehead – the moment when Eddie Lester exclaimed it was ‘like the fucking red arrows round here’ as the balls hurtled around his head at mid-off  (note not catching any of them) and then one smacked into the Pavilion – to hit the Westmoreland Brick. I dunno... it was just funny... and very memorable.”

-  J. Hoskins  08/02/2016

 

 

 

 

 

“After persistent nagging by Mr T. P. W. Smith, I decided to end my cricketing exile and join The MAD back in 2003. I’d grown bored of Cornish league cricket some good few years previous, so the opportunity to meet fresh faces and enjoy a pint or six was an opportunity too tempting. I was immediately hooked on the intrigue of the club’s de facto lunatic, Mr S. L. P. Dobner. Could this unassuming Essex boy with a great sense of wit really be this ‘thug’ I was led to believe – or the amusing and facetious little professor he appeared to be?

 

Never one to shy away, despite repeated warnings, I’d pulled Steve’s strings a good few times on the lead up to Tour, but there was nothing really to suggest anything to substantiate these ‘warnings’. However, all that changed one drunken afternoon back at the Dunkery Beacon Hotel, when having poked and prodded Mr Dobner over a game of poker, he subsequently followed me back to my room, kicked the door open, tore a wardrobe door off its hinges and attempted to panel my face as I hid in the trench between two single beds. Thankfully, roommate Mr Smith was there to temper the situation.

 

Memorable, definitely. Infamous, most definitely – just a shame lessons weren’t learnt before Antony Mann’s book launch some several weeks later….”

-  I. Howarth  18/07/2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

1999    Weymouth, Dorset

 

 

 

Littlebredy cricket pitch

 

 

“1999 Tour to Weymouth – the moment when Greg Le Toque – a new youngster in the team shoved his head into my tent at 3 am shivering like a Madman... convinced he was going to die after over imbibing. It took two hours to convince him he wasn't going to die (he didn’t) I have been anxious around Tours ever since.”

-  J. Hoskins  08/02/2016