knowledgeable, flawed and talented in equal measure, Kiwi Dave joined the
FFTMCC back in the late noughties, juggling permanent intoxication with a
rash of ducks and a swathe of match winning bowling performances. The thing
is, he was actually a batsman, he always
was, but nobody ever asked him. The Club had a paucity of decent bowlers
back in the day, and as everyone knew –
all cricketers who had played for the OU Offices were actually bowlers who said they could bat, but couldn’t.
Henceforth, Dave had to be a
bowler. Sorry about that ole boy.
On Tour to Pompey in
2011, Mr Emerson would smash 95 whilst giving a big FUCK OFF to his batting
critics. Shit, maybe this guy could actually bat?! Back-to-back POTS soon
followed, before his body eventually, nay inevitably, collapsed under the
strain. Of course it was all Skipper Westmoreland’s fault, flogging him
like some unloved Muriwai Beach horse – or at least that was his agent’s
Time is the greatest
healer and in the intervening years, David has had remedial work with Thai
masseurs, seen the Club psychiatrist and patched himself up with support
tape. He’s also decried bowling off any more than two paces and demanded to
bat where he wants. In fact, he plays
when he wants too, which might have serious implications for his Fantasy
valuation? A fading star? A resurgent star? Will he Tour ever again? Hmm….
David scores less
Fantasy points than Nick Hill.