knowledgeable, flawed and talented in equal measure, Kiwi Dave joined the
FFTMCC back in the late noughties, juggling permanent intoxication with a
rash of ducks and a swathe of match winning bowling performances. The thing
is, he was actually a batsman, he always
was, but nobody ever asked him. The Club had a paucity of decent bowlers
back in the day, and as everyone knew – all
cricketers who had played for the OU Offices were
actually bowlers who said they could bat, but couldn’t. Henceforth, Dave had to be a bowler. Sorry about
that ole boy.
On Tour to Pompey in
2011, Mr Emerson would smash 95 whilst giving a big FUCK OFF to his batting
critics. Shit, maybe this guy could actually bat?! Back-to-back POTS soon
followed, before his body eventually, nay inevitably, collapsed under the
strain. Of course it was all Skipper Westmoreland’s fault, flogging him
like some unloved Muriwai Beach horse – or at least that was his agent’s
After years of
self-pity and hypochondria, David finally showed up in 2018 and played some
cricket. Such was his transformation from a serially underperforming cripple
to a rebirth of cricketing panache, he scooped the Most Improved trophy at
the AGM. Scandalous really. So, will 2019 see his star rise further or will
he once again relax back into his striped deckchair complaining about his
little finger? Hmm….
David is very sedate
when watching the All Blacks play England at rugby.