Far from the MCC
~ Est. in 1998
~
MAD Glossary “R – Z”
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Comic book? Graphic novel? Back of a graffiti daubed toilet door? The
Glossary is an idea dating back to 2006 which was sewn by Mike Reeves, who
having recently joined the club from a shit pub team worse than our own,
declared he hadn’t got a clue what everyone else was on about. His reasoning
was that since the club was established some eight years previous, many of
the terms, references and lingo were alien to the unacquainted. Fast forward to the dawn of 2018 and after an annually exhaustive MOT,
the Far from the MCC’s allegedly
most popular web page comes back online. A huge amount of thanks to all
contributors, however small, for the gems and inspiration which have gone
into creating this encyclopaedic breakdown of MAD folklore. |
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Radio (ITT Combat) Although resembling a piece of shit from an
Action Man film, this rare and bespoke analogue radio became the prize possession
of Mr I. C. Leggate. Purportedly made behind the Iron Curtain, it enabled Ian
to receive transmissions from the early 1950’s as he sat outside the Dew Drop
pub in Summertown. Requiring the world’s supply of batteries to operate, you
could distinctly hear the Russian military broadcasting propaganda about the
perils of trusting non-communist regimes. Or was it just a crackle and
distorted hiss? What we do know is that it was crap for picking up Radio 5
Live commentary for a Test Match….
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Raving An all-day bender in Minehead in 2017 would
find a bunch of MAD tourists pulling shapes to house music in the backroom of
a Wetherspoons dive. We don’t want to identify them all, but Mike Ashley was
there….
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Red Arrows An amusing reference used by past player
(and founder) Eddie Lester whilst on Tour in Minehead in 2003. It described
the sensation of standing at mid-on whilst the bowling of Martin Westmoreland
was summarily smashed over his head with alarming speed and regularity (much
like a fly-past from the Red Arrows). Matt Bullock also snapped the Red Arrows on
the Eastbourne Tour of 2007.
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Red Lion Which Red Lion pub? Any Red Lion pub – you
choose. It seems whoever The MAD are playing against, they inevitably meet up
before the game at a pub with that name. A classic example being Cassington
(v Isis CC in 2013) – which had various groups of MAD players split between numerous
pubs of that name….
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Responsible Adult The Club are a little thin on the ground
when it comes to having responsible adults. You win some, you lose some.
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Retired (before they’re 50) The ambition of most men is to retire from their shitty workplace.
James Hoskins and Posh Builder (Dave Shorten) have joined the land of the
smug and done just that.
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Rhyme On Tour in 2015, regular opening bowler Dave Shorten got torn a new
arsehole in the opening game versus Sarisbury CC. If that wasn’t bad enough,
his team mates serenaded him with a now infamous rhyme…. “He bowls it left-t-t, he bowls it right-t-t, David Shorten-n, he’s
bowling shi-i-i-i-i-t-t-t-t-e-e-e-e!!!”
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River Exe The river which runs past Bridgetown CC’s
beautiful little ground in Minehead. It became the de facto bullseye when
playing any aggressive strokes.
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Robbed (POTS Awards) There is nothing like a good, drawn out
fucking moan, and Messrs Reeves and Howarth are probably among The MAD’s
worst offenders. Going back over a decade, Mike and Ian still bitch on about
being stitched up at end of season AGM and not winning the prestigious
“Player of the Season” trophy. Mike blames Mark Shelley for his omission
when playing for the now defunct Marlborough House, whilst Ian apportions
blame on Antony Mann and Lee Ainsworth being more popular than him in 2004
and 2016. For fuck sake – get over it lads!
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Rose Bowl A small group of MAD players watched an ODI
at the Rose Bowl in 2010. It was a day/night affair between England and arch
enemy Australia.
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Rubbish The perfect description of an all too
familiar abject Far from the MCC batting display. There are far too many of
them to mention in recent years, however there is a link to a nice, yet
depressingly familiar example below.
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Run Out Law 38 of the “Laws of cricket” – a batsman
is run out if at any time while the ball is in play and no part of his bat or
person is grounded behind the popping crease when his wicket is fairly put
down. Despite playing the game since a junior, club stalwart Paddy Mellor
seems blissfully unaware of this ruling (below).
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Royal Oak The Royal Oak pub on the Woodstock Road,
Oxford, was home and sponsor to the Far from the MCC for seasons 2009 and
2010. It hosted a couple of successful AGMs and is still popular with team
members today. An M&B pub, it’s closest equivalent is the Cape of Good
Hope in the centre of town.
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Rusty Bicycle Due to the pub’s close
proximity to the Oxford Spires School off the Cowley Road, whenever
the school hosts pre-season nets, the Rusty Bicycle sees a fair amount of
cricketing trade thereafter (particularly from Centrica workers abusing happy
hour). It’s a decent haunt with decent bar ladies,
decent ales and decent cider. It also has a decent rusty bicycle hanging
outside.
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Sainsburys Gift
Voucher Back in the day, these orange gift vouchers
replaced Sterling as a means for David Emerson to pay his match fees (and
fines). By the end of the regular season in 2009, the club Treasurer had
accumulated such that Sainsbury’s ended up catering for a Tri-game Tournament
barbeque at Cutteslowe Park.
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Sambuca The shot of choice for most AGM’s and also the
connoisseurs fast-track to getting shitfaced on Tour.
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Screaming Cat
Bat Discovered in one of the million charity
shops frequented by Thornton Smith in 2011. On what first appeared to be a
piece of driftwood, would in fact turn out to be a highly prized Screaming Cat
bat. Hand-made in Australia by Julian Millichamp, its value is as yet to be
ascertained. Thorn eventually gifted the bat to Dave Emerson following the
Kiwi’s campaign of harassment that lasted well over a year.
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Self-Importance Singularly the most time-honoured fine in MAD history. It is doubtful
any member of the club has escaped being branded as self-important at one stage
or another. The late (and great) Adrian J. Fisher was forever important, largely
because he was, and will be, forever right.
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Self-Loathing
(Batting) Despite still regularly averaging over 20 for a season, club northerner
Ian Howarth rues the days when he apparently was “any good”.
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Self-Loathing
(Bowling) Despite taking well over a hundred wickets in his FFTMCC career, Steve
Dobner declared that he’d never bowl for The MAD again. He still does, of
course he does, when he plays, but he moans and complains every time he is
tossed the ball.
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Sepia Mr Howarth debuted his new Canon camera in season 2015. Blessed with
all the high-spec mod cons one would expect from such a reputable brand, he
decided in his infinite wisdom to shoot the first two matches in low-fi
sepia. No – we don’t either.
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Shallow (Hiram) Hiram Shallow, or is it Hilam
Shallow, or even Hylam – either way he was the
Stanford T20 player for St. Vincent & the Grenadines who for several
years was the chief destroyer of any bowling attack in Oxfordshire. He will go down in MAD folklore as the man
who entertained the villagers of Tetsworth in 2009, by smashing bowling to
all parts on his way to a quite brutal 182 not out. He eventually retired bored
– the unofficial eleventh way of being out in cricket.
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Shelley (Mark) Team mascot and irregular Captain of the
now defunct Marlborough House. The FFTMCC enjoyed a love hate relationship
with Mr M. W. Shelley, a rabble rouser in his formative years, he was a man
who never shied away from voicing his opinion, even when no-one was
listening. But all things turn full circle, and in 2014 Mark finally
represented The MAD to play alongside his fond admirer Mike Reeves.
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Shitfaced An accurate and inventive descriptive for the default state of
most MAD tourists.
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Shoulder Whinge, whinge, fucking whinge. After getting his own way for years and
being entrusted with the new ball, David Emerson decided in 2014 that his
shoulder was no longer up to the task of bowling. It was all Mr
Westmoreland’s fault for flogging him for all these years apparently.
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Short Sleeve Long Sleeved Jumper New to the MAD wardrobe is this brilliant long sleeve jumper with no long sleeves. In fact, it looks
remarkably like the short sleeve variety. Get your orders in now to Mooman.
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Showering (Intimately) A classic MAD fine which seemed to gather
momentum during Season 2005. On showering after the game, or not showering as
the case may be, players were hammered at the Fines Committee for being
‘intimate’ with fellow teammates. Was it really so bad to shower with Nick Hebbes?
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Shrewsbury A historic market town with a medieval heritage boasting plenty of
attractions and places to drink. Located in Shropshire, it was the
destination for Team MAD whilst on Tour in 2014, but unfortunately things
didn’t quite pan out that way…. Did they, Paddy?
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Shrewsbury Flower Show One of the largest horticultural events in England, and the very reason
that The MAD’s notorious Tour to Shrewsbury failed, after the B&B
cancelled our bookings in favour of the welly-wearing Good life brigade.
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Sidearm Pro The ‘Sidearm Pro’ is a revolutionary
throwing device, than when mastered can produce deliveries to test and
challenge the very best of batsmen. Needless to say, The
MAD have found it nigh on impossible to counter. It was purchased to assist guys
struggling at nets with their bowling and to help supplement knocking the
batsman’s heads off.
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Sidmouth The Far from the MCC toured the region of
Sidmouth, Devon in 2010. It was an enjoyable and successful little trip – and
on a few occasions it didn’t piss down.
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Sidmouth CC Despite touring the area and despite
staying just 100 yards from the cricket ground, The MAD never played Sidmouth
CC. Blame the Tour organiser James Hoskins, who to be honest, never does
anything for this club anymore….
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Skip Club hedonist Ian C. Leggate regularly
slept in skips after a night on the piss. His preferred location was Jericho,
where the chances of skewering yourself on a heroin needle amongst the
garbage and flotsam are vastly reduced.
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Skittles Perennially linked with FFTMCC Tours, a game of pub skittles is the
connoisseur’s choice for the team pisshead. You can drink as much as you
like, play as badly as you want, and even injure your teammates by lobbing
large wooden balls at them whilst they try to reset the skittles.
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Skittle Alley (Place of Sleep) The Lamb & Flag on Blagdon Hill, Minehead caters for all your
alcoholic needs, but perhaps more importantly you can stow your kitbag in the
skittle alley and have a kip on it.
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Skoda (Joy Riding Thereof) Several jokes have been trotted out over
the years when referring to transportation of Team MAD. Back in 2003, Ian
Howarth’s acquisition of a largely shit Skoda would only add fuel to the
fire. The below image is not his Skoda,
but it is similar, and it is most definitely shit.
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Sledging Not the act of
travelling downhill at speed on a toboggan, but the act of verbally abusing
or unsettling a batsman, in an attempt to make him
lose concentration and give his wicket away. Often offensive, occasionally
amusing, always a topic of conversation. Essex Madsters
Steve Dobner [pictured] and his brother-in-law, Gary Littlechild, are both
wonderful exponents.
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Smug It a rare thing to hear none of the team
accused of being smug during a post-match Fines Committee. Most of the team
are smug, very smug, and some of them are nauseatingly so. James Pearson is definitely
the smuggest, who singlehandedly gave rise to the fine of “extreme
smugness”.
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Social Secretary A notorious Club
position which is ratified each year at the end of season AGM. Nobody has
ever been successful in the role, largely down to the club’s indifference
during the off season, but Nick Hebbes once organised a trip to Lords.
Failures in office consist of T. P. W. Smith (sacked), Mr. A. Cavanagh (awol after suggesting a trip to a lap dancing club), D.
M. Edwards (resigned in hatred of everyone) and the list just keeps going
on…. Vicki Howarth
was inducted in the fall of 2014. We await her failings with interest….
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Somerset Darts A game of darts particular to areas of
Somerset. The MAD were exposed to this form of the game whilst touring in
Minehead. Nobody fully understands it other than the Chairman Matt Bullock –
which may explain why he nearly always wins….
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South Africa Now that Quintin Sanders has bowled for the FFTMCC, we can lay claim to
another country….
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Southsea The destination for the Tour of 2011 in
Hampshire. The team stayed at the Sandringham Hotel not far from the seafront
and enjoyed ample success – especially if you qualify losing as a form of
success.
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Spam The nickname of Player #77 (Ian Howarth) and also a reference to the volume of shit that is sent by
team members to fellow members each and every day – especially during the
regular season. See “E-mail List” for further details. But yes, Ian is one of
the worst offenders by the way. Funny that.
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Spam’s Bunny Mark Rundle is Ian Howarth’s (Spam) bunny.
See “Bunny” for further information relating to.
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Spiritualized Whilst not strictly about cricket, this
infamous Spiritualized bike has been used to transport MAD cricketers to and
from games for many years, although not that many and not that many times. It’s
more synonymous with being used infrequently and subsequently sold by James Pearson
to Ian Howarth, borrowed by Jan Webster and then sold back to James by Ian
after being used… infrequently.
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Sports Direct See “Mike Ashley” – but the UK’s No 1 Sports Retailer is forever linked
with the notorious CEO.
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Stanton St. John (SSJ) Stanton St. John is an attractive civil parish to the northeast of
Oxford. It is much more attractive than the cricket ground which is regularly
whored out to interested parties towards the end of the season.
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Stogumber Number (15) The term came about whilst The MAD were on
Tour in 2003 and playing against Somerset side Stogumber CC. It would seem
nearly everything that happened that day would feature the number 15. See
“15” for further details.
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Stratfield Brake (KCC) How can anyone forget the soulless,
windswept cricket ground at Stratfield Brake? It became home to The MAD in
2008 after they were usurped by the bursar at Pembroke. The partnership
lasted just one year, but thanks for the memories….
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Stump Cam Whilst guesting at Aston Tirrold in 2016, The MAD were both intrigued
and captivated by home player Mr D. Kilcoyne’s DIY video coverage of the
match. A stump cam was supplemented by another view from atop the pavilion.
Impressive indeed – capturing as it did the shambolic dismissal of Andrew
Darley.
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Suffolk Most definitely not to be confused with Norfolk under any circumstances,
Suffolk is an expansive patch of farmer’s land on the east coast of Britain. The
MAD toured East Anglia in 2018 and upset most the local teams by writing about
Norfolk.
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Super Strength Nope, not a reference to a member of the
team with unreal strength, but an in-joke referring to the alcohol percentage
of lager quaffed by the legendary Andrew Morley (before, during and after a
game). It was chiefly responsible for the club investing in insurance.
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Swindon Yep, it’s a shithole and everyone from
Oxford hates the place. Nonetheless, The MAD contested matches against the
(Swindon) Nomads from 2001 until 2014 – it was a pub landlord thing
(apparently). The club can even boast returning from Swindon intact (just).
Actually, in the year of the millennium
(2000), The Jude travelled to Swindon to play another pub team The Beehive,
and they very nearly never came back…. |
Tall Bob Since Chris Roberts joined the club back in
2010, The MAD have seemingly been fixated with height. This fixation reached
its nadir on Tour in Norfolk in 2012, where arguments raged over who was the
tallest and who was the smallest. A subsequent line up revealed Ian Howarth
was the shortest, but he decried the absence of Thornton Smith and Gary Timms
(amongst others)…. Pathetic really – and all Tall Bob’s fault.
The fixation continues to this day….
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Taylor (Claire) Samantha Claire Taylor is an English cricketer
and former member of a highly successful England women’s team. The MAD were
lucky enough to meet Claire on their Tour of Louth in 2009, when she
represented the England ladies against a Louth CC Men’s XI for their grand
opening of a new pavilion.
She will be remembered fondly, not least because
she found time to talk to the lads and sign our book, but also because she
agreed to an impromptu salsa class from team regular Ian Leggate [whilst he
was drunk]. The friendship was renewed in June of 2013,
when Claire guested for her old university pals, the Lemmings. It’s a small
world, innit? |
Telegraph Pole On Tour in 2005, Ian Howarth somehow
managed to score a direct hit onto a telegraph pole when hitting a six out of
Timberscombe cricket ground. A muffled “thud” was heard before the ball
rebounded back over a perimeter wall and back onto the pitch. Quite remarkable
and deserving of Champagne Moment at The Mad’s end of season bash.
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Telegraph Pole 2 On Tour to Felixstowe in
2018 the team stopped off on the way home at Reach CC. Here they found defunct
telegraph pole in the middle of the field, which when hit during a match
would score or cost four runs.
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Tennis Turning their hand to being crap at most sports, The MAD decided to
hold a men’s doubles competition whilst on Tour to Minehead in 2005. With
partners drawn at random, it was vital you got a decent pairing, but Mike
Clarke got Jake….
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Tesco Badge For years the players of the Far from the
MCC found endless material to joke about relating to Steve Dobner’s
employment at corporate behemoth Tesco’s. Scarcely a day past by without
someone grumbling or joking about food prices, poorly stocked shelves and
inadequate staffing and customer service. When Steve eventually bit the bullet and
left the company, he also left his name badge behind at a MAD poker evening.
This prized possession now resides Howarth’s kitbag.
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Tesco Value Brad Pitt Having joined the Far from the MCC a good few years ago, David Emerson
was amusingly compared to a ‘Tesco Value’ Brad Pitt. He may have been blessed
with half-decent looks, but his behaviour and social standing earned him his
stripes (arf!)
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Terror.ism A reference to an iconic piece of graffiti
which adorned a wall flanking a council pitch at the Cowley Marshes. Venue to
previous MAD games, the team try to stay well clear of this depressing
council pitch when planning their fixtures. Also, see “Mural” for further details.
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TFC An amusing, and often used term
[particularly in village cricket], to describe somebody who has participated
in a game of cricket but failed to do anything of substance (i.e they haven’t
batted or bowled or caught anything). It stands for “Thanks For Coming”.
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Thailand Formally known as Siam, the Kingdom of Thailand in Southeast Asia is
where the Emerson Bros go most winters to lose their loads.
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Thigh Pad (JJOCC) An artefact from the club’s halcyon days in
the presumed late 90’s – this moth eaten and
discoloured thigh pad was bought by Nick Hebbes at a Club Auction (£6.00) at
the 2011 AGM. It had resided in a multitude of club kit bags over the years
without anyone remembering actually using it, save
maybe to use as a head rest to enable better sleeping patterns during one of
Geoff Carter’s pulsating innings.
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Thomas Tank Engine Thomas doesn’t exist, he is a figment of Rev
Wilbert Awdry’s mind. However, steam trains that
run on the West Somerset Rail line do exist, and they can transport an
entourage of pissed cricketers from Minehead to Stogumber.
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“Throw some money at it.” After a season of seismic underachievement
in 2011, Mike Reeves decided to “throw some money at it” [his batting] in the
hope of rescuing his reputation as a number 3 batsman. This included a
personal trip to the Dummer Cricket Centre where he could ignore any tips and
decent coaching. Still – Mike did coin a great term.
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Tim Henman Nobody has actually met
Mr. Henman per se, but he has been seen a few times in the local pub
(Chequers Inn) prior to games against Astons CC. Tiger Tim lives just behind
the trees at one end of the ground. And no – nobody has yet hit a cricket
ball into his estate.
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Timms x 2 Not a reference to the two ducks in one innings by our enigmatic
all-rounder (of sorts), but a recent scorebook which found Mr Timms bowling twice against Wootton & Bladon
in 2017. Or are there actually two Gareth Timms in existence, who carefully
slip in and out the team without anyone noticing?
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Tina’s Travel Tina’s Travel down in Hampshire near the New Forest caters for all your
travelling needs! They provide an excellent 24hr service with 14 and 17 seater buses to ferry pissed cricketers about – or at
least that was the case for Tour 2015.
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Toff Stump On Tour to Hampshire in 2016, James Pearson
was asked to concentrate his bowling at Bramshaw CC on “toff stump”. Top of
off stump? On a posh stump? On top of a posh off stump? Fuck knows, you’d
maybe need to consult with Mr Hotson as to its truest meaning / origin – as
he recalls it best.
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Toilet Seat Never to be forgotten, Ian Leggate skippered
a game on Tour in 2011 with a toilet seat medallion. We’re not quite sure
what the locals thought at the time, or whether it subsequently became a
trend with the local yoot….
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Tonking A fairly common
term to describe giving, or in our case usually receiving, a substantial
stuffing in a game of cricket. It was a much-loved term for Aussie Antony G.
Mann and gave rise to its big brother, namely the “uber-tonking”.
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Top Trumps (MAD) As a special surprise for the team of the
end of season 2009 AGM, Ian Leggate and James Hoskins engineered a pack of MAD
Top Trump cards based on players past and present to have represented the club.
The cards were a roaring success on the night, even if players are still
arguing to this day about their “Drinking Ability” and “Self
Importance” ratings.
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Top Trumps (MAD) – Part II Four years after the first set of MAD Top
Trumps came this infinitely inferior set which was distributed at the 2013
AGM. Containing more cards, but of considerably shitter quality and no
distinguishable cover card, Part Deux received a mixed reaction before
Treasurer, Mr Reeves, dubbed it “a complete waste of club resources and a
shocking investment”.
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Train A preferred mode of transport for Tour for
the pissheads and giant mallards within the team and used to great success
for the trip to Weston-Super-Mare. See also “Thomas Tank Engine”.
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Train Fence In 2013, after several balls disappeared from view behind a hedgerow and down a grass
embankment, Team MAD plugged the hole with a plastic fence they borrowed from
the local crèche. This building doubled as the pavilion at Cassington.
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Trouble (at the Offices) Back in 2006, under the fresh stewardship of MAD Captain Mr. I.
Howarth, the annual fixture against the OU Offices descended into a nasty
spat. It centred on OU batsman Silky being bowled by Mr S. L. P. Dobner and
then being given a colourful send off. Frank words were exchanged between
various parties regarding a car park, and for the following few weeks Ian
would be dealing with the subsequent fallout from OU player Joe Organ via
email. A slice of said transcript detailed below….
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Tri-game Tournament Back in 2009, the FFTMCC expanded a Sunday fixture against Wootton
& Boars Hill CC to include the “touring” OU Offices. The latter’s tour
had fallen apart and as such they were forced into a last-minute Tour to…
erm, Oxfordshire. The format of the day became a Tri-game T15 affair with the
eventual winners being nobody as the final was tied.
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Twinkle Stephen L. P. Dobner’s first work of
fiction, thought lost after going out of circulation in the early 80s, was
rediscovered in a central Oxford street market by teammate Mr Rundle. Still
in a relatively modest condition with slight signs of wear and tear, it more
than earns its place on the MAD website.
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Twinkling An amusing reference to a player who is
showing signs of anger and irritation. Barrow Boy Steve Dobner, nicknamed
“Twinkle”, can be found demonstrating the art on Sunday afternoons (when he
bothers to play of course). See also “Nutcase”.
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U-bend Following some insipid weather whilst on
Tour in 2003, The MAD organised a Cricket ‘Pairs’ Competition after sourcing
a pitch but no opponent. During the “fun”, Martin Westmorland smashed a delivery
off Ian Howarth clean out the park. The ball would later be relocated having
finally come to rest under the U-bend of the pavilion toilet.
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Umbrella A symbolic image from 2013, which remains carved into the collective MAD
subconscious, is that of Gary Timms holding a striped umbrella over the
bedraggled Wootton & Bladon CC scorer, Derek Hambridge. The match was a
joke on many levels, but at least it gave up one of the greatest match
reports.
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Unbelievable Can anyone quite believe just how the
final match of the season finished against Isis CC on September 8, 2013? It was Mr. Westmoreland’s final game in
charge after five long years, with the team securing a quite astonishing 2
run victory after Isis batsman, Nick Wyatt, stood on his stumps hitting the
winning boundary. Utterly unbelievable.
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Utter Pisshead Not that many of the club’s members are
exempt from being labelled utter pissheads, but none of them
have quite achieved the benchmark set by Mr Thorburn. Back in the day, Mike
would regularly drink his own bodyweight in ale, and that was before the
match.
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Van There are several vans that belong to team
members. Thorn has a van, Bob has a van and Dave Shorten has an even bigger
van. In fact, Dave’s van doubles as a kitbag courier service when on Tour – and also, as a prison for Ian Leggate, who was once
forgotten and locked inside it at Louth.
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Vandal Acts of vandalism are commonplace on Tour, here a certain
player with a certain number has smashed his room key in the best hotel the
team have ever stayed in (2017, Minehead).
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Velvet Rope Normally used to keep riff-raff out of popular discotheque’s
that the yoot of today frequent. But, also extremely handy to keep pissed-up
opening batsmen secure during impromptu press conferences (as was the case on
Tour 2016 to Hampshire). See also “Conference Centre”.
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Village Handbook of Cricket A fictional (and unwritten) book often
referenced in match reports which details village life’s own take on our
venerable sport. For instance, the preferred coaching methods of the ECB are
mostly ignored, in favour of ignorant and irregular methods widely practiced
in village cricket (see below).
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Violinist A more than handy useful cricketer who once graced the club, Leo
Phillips has performed extensively as a conductor, as a violin soloist and
chamber musician, and as a leader – and often director – of many
world-renowned orchestras and ensembles. As such, we should applaud him.
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Visitor’s Pass (Blenheim Park) With the FFTMCC forming a sporting rivalry
with Blenheim Park CC back in 2008, the team were to receive free entry
passes for the date of the game in question. This particular specimen
below is from 2009 and is no doubt a copy of a copy of a copy which would
have been distributed to family members, mates, dogs, cats and budgies – and
generally anyone
else who knew a member of The MAD and who fancied a free day out at Blenheim
Palace in the Oxford summer.
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Walsh (John) Every team has one and the OUP have one who
is the grandest (and oldest) of them all – the ubiquitous Club Pie-chucker. John Walsh, a cricket aficionado and Tory
Boy, belies his aging years with his effective flan-throwing. He made a name
for himself in 2012 by taking 3 MAD wickets in 4 balls, including David
Emerson for a hilarious second ball duck (stumped).
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Wembley Prefacing a seasonal opening dicking at
Horspath in 2010, Steve Dobner organised a trip to Wembley to watch his
beloved Saracens stuff Harlequins out of sight in some Cup Final. Whilst Gary Littlechild would wait hours
for his teammates to actually turn up, Steve was
stranded in Iceland due to a faulty volcano (allegedly).
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Wembley Ticket
(Unused) Having publicly criticised his team mates
for never leaving their cosy surroundings in Oxfordshire, Steve Dobner
suggested he’d pull some strings organise a trip to London to see his beloved
Saracens play at Wembley in the Guinness Premiership. After garnering plenty
of interest from the Club and having his mates make their journey to the
capital by Oxford Tube, Steve never showed up – preferring to use some excuse
about an Icelandic volcano keeping him captive in Tenerife instead. Cheers,
mate.
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Westmoreland Brick A fond reference referring to a brick (now
chipped) atop of the Minehead CC clubhouse in Somerset. During the fateful
first over of a touring game in 2003, Martin Westmoreland’s second ball was
summarily spanked out of the ground and against it.
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Weston-super-Mare The Far from the MCC’s Tour to Weston was definitely that: “super”. Glorious weather formed the
backdrop to the team’s stay and many happy memories were made.
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White Ball (Signed) We’re not quite sure whether the T20 v
Wootton & Boars Hill CC in 2014 was the first time The MAD had used a
‘white ball’, but the ball in question was kept as a memento after Ian
Howarth slogged his opposite number (fixture secretary Dave Parker) out of
the ground over long off.
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Who Am I? A wonderful idea by Gary Timms on Tour to
f______ T______ in 2014, was orchestrating a MAD Quiz based on the pretext of
“Who am I?” You are Gary, Gary, and you always will be Gary. The quiz has now
become a staple of MAD Tours – or for at least two Tours anyway.
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Wives This item could easily
be filed under ‘polygamy’, but since most of the team are too fucking stupid
to have heard [or say] that term, we will use ‘wives’. So far, the team have
been introduced to the two (or it is three) spouses that Russ Turner is
affiliated to and of course we are aware of Mr Reeves’ other lady
on the Isle of Wight.
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Wonderland Ironically named,
‘Wonderland’ is a woodland attraction based in f______ T______ for all the
family. It is also doubles as mental torture for
pissed cricket teams by serenading any attempts at crazy golf with its
‘Wonderland’ theme tune….
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Wootton(s) The FFTMCC are
interlinked with two Wootton’s. They play both Wootton & Bladon CC and
Wootton & Boars Hill CC, although the former have actually
rebranded on several occasions due to being told to fuck off by the
local parishes.
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Work Boots Mr T. P. W. Smith is
synonymous with his beige, steel toe capped work boots. They act as an
excellent replacement for his cricket shoes that reside somewhere in one of
the three dozen properties he has spread his worldly
belongings around.
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Wurzels The Wurzels are a
Scrumpy and Western band from Somerset, best known for their number one hit
The Combine Harvester. They played a gig at Stogumber in 2017, a week before
The MAD played at the ground, and the clubhouse was still rammed with
leftover stock (cider).
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Yips A mental
affliction that affects many sportsmen, particularly golfers and spin
bowlers. It is a mind block that can cause a player to forget the basics of
his game – and in the most serious cases can force that player into early
retirement.
Martin
Westmoreland is the club’s finest exponent of the “yips”. Martin suffered fielding
yips for a few years before tackling the problem, only to then suffer from
the batting
yips. By the end of 2008, he had unfortunately succumbed to the bowling
yips after remedying the previous problem. His son Daniel (pictured) has the coin toss
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“You didn’t dance around that one, did you?” A hilarious send-off given to A. Khan versus Harwell CC in 2016. After
walking about his crease and clumping a few balls high and mighty, bowler Lee
Ainsworth (below) then delivered one in the block-hole to castle the aforementioned
batsman. Sheer poetry.
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YouTube The final of the Friendly Cup in 2018 was
held at Horspath CC, where coverage of the match was streamed live onto
YouTube via their close circuit cameras.
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Zing Bails Zings are high-tech cricket bails that light up when they are dislodged
from the stumps. The MAD first encountered a set when they hired the Stanton
St. John ground for the final game of the season in 2014. Treasurer M. K.
Reeves was transfixed and vowed thereafter to invest in some for The MAD.
What he never did was buy some batteries for the fucking things….
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Zzzzzzzz A familiar sound to be heard near a
pavilion whenever Geoff Carter is batting. Incidentally, he is not to be
confused with his identical brother George (Carter) – a fine attacking
batsman from the same family.
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Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Bless old Uncle Albert (James Hoskins), the dozy
old sod has nodded off again.
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