Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

0 - 9  |  A - I  |  J - Q  |  R - Z 

 

 

 

 

MAD Glossary “0 – 9”

 

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Comic book? Graphic novel? Back of a graffiti daubed toilet door? The Glossary is an idea dating back to 2006 which was sewn by Mike Reeves, who having recently joined the club from a shit pub team worse than our own, declared he hadn’t got a clue what everyone else was on about. His reasoning was that since the club was established some eight years previous, many of the terms, references and lingo were alien to the unacquainted.

 

Fast forward to the dawn of 2018 and after an annually exhaustive MOT, the Far from the MCC’s allegedly most popular web page comes back online. A huge amount of thanks to all contributors, however small, for the gems and inspiration which have gone into creating this encyclopaedic breakdown of MAD folklore.

 

 

 

 

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0

 

A much revered MAD number and a very common one to be found etched in the scorebook next to a batsman’s name. See “Duck” for further details.

 

 

 

 

0

 

The number of runs that Chris Roberts accumulated on Sunday’s throughout the year of 2017.

 

 

 

 

 

0.00%

 

The combined strike rates in T20’s over the course of season 2017 for Geoff Carter, Andrew Darley and Geoff Carter.

 

 

 

 

 

1

 

Known as “Duck Avoidance” (scoring 1) – costs the incumbent batsman 25p at the post-match Fines Committee.

 

 

 

1 (groan)

 

The number of MAD Tours that Andrew Darley has managed in a decade of playing for the club up to and including 2017 (this total was formerly zero about 12 months ago).

 

 

 

 

 

1 (a very lonely one)

 

The haul of career wickets ensnared by Geoff Carter between 2005 and 2017. That’s twelve years and counting.

 

 

 

1.029411764705882 

 

The average number of innings that Howard Jones managed during his 34 games for the club.

 

 

 

 

 

1.733333333333333

 

The average number of matches per year that the illusive and mysterious Richard J. B. Hadfield undertook for the club between 2000 and 2014.

 

 

 

 

 

“2 for 2”

 

An often mimicked quote that popped up during a T20 match on Tour in 2003, after Nick Hebbes registered the impressive bowling figures of 2 for 2 against Stogumber.

 

 

clubglossaryabd

 

 

 

3GH

 

The abbreviation for the cheapest watering hole in Oxford town centre, the Three Goats Heads. Owned by the Samuel Smith’s brewery chain, and popular with the cricket team in the off season, it’s hidden down a backstreet serving a darned fine pint of beer, stout or cider.

 

 

http://www.tim-bond.co.uk/monopoly/streets_pubs/pub_tn/tn_Three%20Goats%20Heads%202.JPG

 

 

 

4.0%

 

The lowest strength of lager that Club Poet Andrew Morley would ever partake in during a mid-innings drinks break. It would usually signal a sign of ill-health or a lack of decent finances on his part.

 

 

 

 

 

4.1

 

“4.1” was the number attributed to one Philip Holt whilst playing skittles on Tour to Dorset in 2000. After scribbling everyone’s names up on the board, it was noted Phil’s name looked like “4.1” – and thus this relative newcomer to the club became forever known as, er… “4.1”. Thereon, everything about that Tour seemed to link to that number.

 

 

http://gigjets.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Android-Jelly-Bean-Logo-Sort-Of.jpg

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

4.285714285714286

 

The average number of innings that the enigmatic and wholly unreliable Andrew Darley undertook for the club between 2008 and 2014.

 

 

 

 

 

4-Trick

 

John Newman-Robson performed the utterly unperformable by registering The MAD’s first ever Four-Trick v OUP in 2013. An amazing feat and one we doubt will ever be equalled, let alone bettered.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

4.5-for

 

John Newman-Robson would lay claim to The MAD’s first ever 4.5-for against perennial rivals Appleton CC in 2012. Having dismissed 4 adults of varying skill, he completed his 4.5-for by catching a small child off his own bowling.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

5

 

The number of runs Ian Howarth managed to score whilst blind drunk on Tour at Hythe & Dibden CC, Hampshire in 2015. He can’t remember his innings, or the day for that matter, but it was notable for being longer than some of his efforts whilst sober.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

5

 

The number of times that poor Paddy Mellor was ran out in consecutive matches in 2011.

 

 

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5

 

In 2013, Chris Roberts managed to face just one ball in 5 consecutive matches where he batted. His run of poor scores included 0 (Golden), 0*, 0 (Golden), 0 (Golden) and 0*.

 

 

 

 

 

5-a-side

 

During the fall of 2009, Dave Shorten decided on improving Mad fitness and sociability by enlisting a 5-a-side football team in a local midweek competition ran at Tilsley Park. After 9 matches The Mad had failed to win a single game and boasted a goal difference of minus 98!

 

 

clubglossaryabz

 

 

On one particular evening, an opponent refused a 5-nil bye in favour of drubbing the Far from the MCC 15-0. You can’t say fairer than that.

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

 

5.2%

 

The alcoholic strength of The MAD’s favourite lager – the famous (nay infamous) Belgian lager, Wifebeater… sorry, Stella Artois.

 

 

http://www.thehollandhouses.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/dr-stella.jpg

 

 

 

5.5%

 

The alcoholic strength of The MAD’s favourite apple aperitif – Aspalls “Suffolk” Cyder. A sweet and toxic beverage, it can claim the higher ground due to having been responsible for no club brawls (unlike “Katy”).

 

 

http://www.eadt.co.uk/polopoly_fs/1.3669112!/image/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_490/image.jpg

 

 

 

6

 

SIX!!! The record number of sixes hit in one FFTMCC innings by Mr J. W. Pearson in 2014 v Isis CC at Queens College.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

6

 

The most coveted batting position on any MAD Tour. There is no specific reason, other than the likelihood of avoiding the opening bowlers and cashing in against the crap later on in the innings.

 

 

http://img.american-home-supply.com/2015/08/31/number-6-coloring-page-l-6bdf8cf68167f9ed.gif

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

6’ 6”

 

The height of Mr C. D. Roberts. The FFTMCC have always been fixated with height and Tall Bob just happens to be the tallest of them all. So well done to him, hurrah!

 

 

 

7-0-120-0

 

The not quite so revelatory figures returned by the bowling combination of  Ian Howarth and Nick Hebbes during the 2009 director’s cut of a Tetsworth Cricket Bat Massacre. You’ll note that Ian pulled it round nicely in his last over by going for just the 4 runs.

 

 

 

 

 

7 (methods)

 

Over the course of FFTMCC time there have only been seven differing methods of which a MAD batsman’s innings has been concluded (bowled, caught, hit wicket, lbw, run out, stumped and retired).

 

 

 

 

 

7 for 5

 

The quite amazing figures returned one by John Harris against a weakened Marlborough House in 2005. John even affected a run out in the same innings. Not a bad day out then.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

8

 

The record number of ducks accrued by Gary Timms during one season (2011). He also registered two scores of 0 not out and a duck whilst guesting for Centrica XI. Ironically, this from a man who can actually bat….

 

 

clubglossaryabb

 

 

 

8 (for 15)

 

The number of wickets Stuart Christopher John Broad took v Australia in the fourth Ashes Test, 2015 – all during the time it took a MAD cavalcade to drive down to the New Forest. Erm… that would be less than two hours then.

 

 

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/03399/broadfaces_3399681b.jpg

 

 

 

8.6%

 

The nominal strength of lager that Club Poet Andrew Morley would usually partake in during a mid-innings drinks break. It was seen as a sign of good health and finances on his part.

 

 

clubglossaryat

 

 

 

9 for 9

 

No, not some implausible bowling figures – but the number of wickets that fell (for 9 runs in 9 overs) after the FFTMCC had progressed to 99-1 on a bright and sunny day against Milton CC in 2006. It was disaster on a Hollywood scale and is still the most talked about collapse of all MAD collapses (and there have been many believe me you). 

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

13

 

In 2011, the Far from the MCC lost a club record thirteen matches in succession, including a morale sapping reverse against the Bodleian – in the rain. In all honesty, if The MAD had played themselves during this period they would have lost.

 

Awful.

 

Awful.

 

Truly fucking awful….

 

 

https://khurram999.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/wpid-r-i-p-pakistan-cricket_design.png

 

 

14

 

The number of deliveries in Ian Leggate’s now infamous over whilst on Tour in Louth in 2009. It started at 15:02 and finished at 15:13. Eleven minutes of undiluted misery for him and his teammates, as Ian’s over lurched from slightly off target to yips imbued shite.

 

 

clubglossaryad

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

15

 

A recurrent number whilst on Tour at Stogumber in 2005. See “Stogumber 15” for further details.

 

 

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16

 

The number of consecutive overs of twirling pie that James Hoskins threw down in Aston Tirrold in 2011. It shattered the record for The MAD’s most lengthy spell of bowling.

 

It is worth noting that Mr Reeves threw down 13 consecutive overs from the other end.

 

 

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( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

17

 

Ian Leggate’s latest impregnable record v Cholsey CC for the most deliveries bowled in one yips fuelled over.

 

 

 

 

 

20

 

In 2015, under the stewardship of Captains G. J. Timms and D. Shorten (T20), the Far from the MCC won a record high of 20 games in one season.

 

 

 

 

 

26

 

The record number of matches the FFTMCC managed to lose in one season in 2011.

 

 

 

 

 

27

 

In 2008, Andrew Morley cast aside some lager and half a bottle of vodka, before striding out to bat against previously unbeaten opponents Milton CC. The rest as they say is the stuff of legends.

 

 

clubglossaryaao

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

 

32

 

The lowest team total in club history. This day of ultimate shame happened right back in 1998 in the club’s first ever match versus Research Machines – so maybe we can’t be too harsh on the then Jude that day, huh?

 

 

 

 

On a day where skipper Ed Lester could only assemble nine available pissheads from the pub, Nick Banks registered the historic first MAD duck. Well done him. We salute you, sir!

 

( Link to Scorecards )

 

 

 

34

 

The second most expensive over in MAD history belongs to Ian Howarth, who was unceremoniously tonked for 2 short of a Malcolm Nash during the team’s visit to Tetsworth CC in 2009. It is also worth noting his subsequent 3 balls also went for 16 – so that’s a 9 ball 50. Well played, dude.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

35

 

Ian Leggate somehow managed to eclipse Howarth’s shower of shit and get tonked for 35 in one over. He achieved this feat despite the fact his over failed to consist of a single maximum….

 

A suitably blurred photo from the opposition (Longparish CC) scorebook records the over as containing 4 no balls and 2 wides. It also spanned two boxes in the bowler’s column. 1-27 before the over began. 1-62 on completion. Tidy stuff.

 

 

clubglossaryaaf

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

40-somethings

 

Time waits for no man, and as such the majority of The MAD team have now tumbled headlong into their 40’s.

 

 

 

 

41 not out

 

Will James Hoskins ever let us forget about him scoring 41 not out whilst batting at number 9 to rescue the match against Wootton & Boars Hill in 2008? No, we don’t think so either. But well played anyway, James – a darned fine knock under exceptional pressure.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

42

 

The score at which Dan Edwards mistakenly celebrated a half-century by raising his bat to his MAD teammates on the boundary. Subsequent to this, the team ridiculed and applauded him whenever he reached that milestone (of 42).

 

 

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50

 

A score that allowed James Hoskins to reverse the effect of the ‘Mongoose Multiplier’ (fine) on Tour in 2010. On achieving a wonderful and maiden fifty for the club, the rest of his teammates’ fines were doubled on that day.

 

 

clubglossaryabe

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

59*

 

A swashbuckling knock by Dave Emerson in 2015, which gave The MAD a stunning victory whilst chasing 183 against perennial rivals Astons CC.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

61cm

 

Would be the circumference of the largest head within the ranks of Club Mad. No prizes for guessing this individual to be Mr M. K. Reeves, but a bonus point awarded for those who guessed his equal – that belonging to “Tall” Bob Roberts.

 

 

 

 

65

 

Thornton Smith’s iconic T20 score back in 2003 against East Oxford is still The MAD’s highest score in that format. The now largely compulsory retirement at fifty may mean the score is never broken.

 

 

clubglossaryabg

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

85

 

Proof that Mike Reeves is actually a batsman in case any of you were wondering. Or, is it actually proof that Mike is a vastly underachieving batsman? The jury as ever is still out.

 

 

clubglossaryabh

 

 

 

 

90

 

The number of seconds introduced for fining an individual during a post-match ‘Fines Committee’. The duration of this period and how it has been used is steeped in controversy and was debated at length during the AGM of 2014.

 

Everyone agreed to disagree naturally.

 

 

 

94*

 

Gary Littlechild’s cavalier innings was only ended after The MAD had successfully chased down a modest OU Office target of 112. Gary accounted for 81.03% of his team’s total that day and we can only wonder what he may have gone on to achieve if we’d batted first….

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

95

 

Proof that Dave Emerson can most definitely bat when he’s not battered.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

99

 

Proof that Ian Howarth is a dick. After managing to get stumped one short of a century at the start of the 2005 season, Spam duly managed to hole out on the boundary on that very same score in 2010. Cue the MAD joke: “D’you want a Flake with that?”

 

 

clubglossaryay

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

103*

 

Dan Edwards posted the first Far from the MCC century in 2006 against Wootton & Boars Hill CC. It was 9 years in the making.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

And… eight years later, Dave Shorten would cast aside his batting shortcomings to hammer out his maiden ton. His identical score of 103* was actually the first time he had passed fifty for The MAD.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

105 (but not really)

 

On the Tour to Minehead in 2017, the team got shitfaced all day before contesting a T20 in the early evening versus Stogumber CC. During this seminal pasting under the brainless stewardship of A. Darley, the team recovered from an awful 12-6 to finally post a more respectable 95.

 

That would of course be the end of the story after the home team chased down the total, if it weren’t for the separate story in the scorebook – the fact that when counted, The MAD’s total of 95 did in fact add up to be 105. We have no idea who was responsible for this mathematical genius, but here is photo of someone with a red T-shirt below doing some… scoring at… erm, Stogumber….

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

113*

 

2014 saw Mr J. W. Pearson not only thrash the club record of smacking SIX maximums in one innings, but in doing so, he also became only the seventh MAD batsman to score a century.

 

A truly superb innings from start to finish, it secured the ‘Ade Fisher Performance Trophy’ at the end of season AGM.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

117*

 

In 2006, Gary Littlechild mastered the vagaries of a typically crap pitch at Hanney CC, to hit the highest score ever recorded by a MAD batsman. In what was quite an achievement, he was helped on the day by the opposition fielders dropping him to his milestone on numerous occasions.

 

Gary’s innings off just 88 balls, contained 17 boundaries including 1 maximum.

 

 

clubglossaryaap

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

£126.50

 

The ridiculous club record haul for match fines was accrued at Happisburgh (ironically) whilst on Tour in Norfolk in 2012. Fines Chairman Paddy Mellor didn’t give a fuck and nobody was spared. Nobody.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Fines )

 

 

150 (ish)

 

When Steve Dobner relocated to Stevenage, it meant his round trip to play for The MAD in Oxfordshire was approximately 150 miles – depending on which ground the match was played at. Steve subsidised his expenses by getting his missus to lay on Tesco Value teas.

 

 

 

 

 

199-3

 

Forever to be ingrained in the memory, in April of 2017 the team chased down a completely implausible 197 against league superstars Horspath CC. Yes, we’re expecting the backlash in 2018….

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

218*

 

In July of 2016, curry house employee Jay Rahman clobbered an unrealistic 218 not out at Fair Mile for Cholsey CC. In a 35 over match his innings contained no less than 40 boundaries in total, and was in fact Jay’s first ever ton. Might as well double it up then.

 

 

 

( Link to Match Report )

 

 

 

243-1 off 14 overs

 

A cautious and reflective period of play during the infamous Tetsworth v FFTMCC match from 2009. That would illustrate an excellent MAD economy rate of just 17.36 runs per over.

 

 

 

358 for 8

 

In 2009, the Far from the MCC were invited to field first after skipper Martin Westmoreland declined a very generous offer from the hosts of deciding what The MAD would like to do first (bypassing the toss if you will). The rest as they say is history. Infamously so….

 

 

clubglossaryr

 

( Link to Match Report )