Far from the MCC
~ Est. in 1998
~
2005 - 2009 | 2010
- 2012 | 2013
- 2014 | 2015 - 2016 | 2017 Onwards....
Exhibition of Batting Incompetence
Seasons 2010 - 2012
*
An online
page totally devoted to the exhibition, celebration and educational
interpretation of classical batting incompetence performed and choreographed
by the Far from the MCC. Please note there have been countless other examples
since the team’s inception back in 1998, but unfortunately a camera wasn’t
present to record the event (or events). Henceforth, here they be in chronological order…. Many
thanks to all the artistic contributions, in particular James D. Hoskins, who
always seems to be in the right place at the right time to capture the
moment. Very odd. Very odd indeed…. |
The Fairy -
J. C. W. Hotson, Horspath. 2010 The most
understated way of batting is to tiptoe out your crease whilst nobody is
looking and try to hit the ball. In this example, the batsman fails on both
counts…. |
Arrogant Northern Drive -
I. Howarth v Wootton & Bladon, Brasenose, Oxford. 2010 Sometimes a delivery is so good that a batsman no matter how high his
skill level can do nothing about it, and must gracefully accept a token shot
in defence. This is not the case here. Eschewing levels of contempt and arrogance
W. G. Grace could only dream of, Ian Howarth ignores length and accuracy as
he imagines the plaudits of hitting a maximum instead. Naturally his next
action is a cob fuelled walk back to the pavilion. |
Mongoose Salute -
J. D. Hoskins v OUP, Jordan Hill, Oxford. 2010 The Mongoose bat was specifically designed for T20 cricket. Mr Hoskins’
maverick approach to the game has allowed him to ignore conventions and
instead blitz his way to success in the longer form of the game, as ably demonstrated
on Tour to Honiton in 2010. In this example, James salutes his bat forgetting
about the ball. Just a minor aberration. |
The Stork -
J. C. W. Hotson, Appleton, Oxford. 2010 Executing any shot
in cricket requires a happy marriage of balance and coordination. In this
example, Jake Hotson measures his ability by raising the heel of his left
foot to balance on his toes. Box ticked. Alas, the coordination of his bat is
less successful. |
The Ramp -
M. K. Reeves, Brasenose, Oxford v Lemmings. 2010 A prime example of how the 20/20 version of the game has corrupted
modern batting technique. Here Mr Reeves assays ‘the ramp’, otherwise known
as the dodgy flick over the stumps towards the fine leg boundary. A risky shot
at the best of times, its pay off is even less if you get bowled in the
process. |
The Death-Rattle -
N. J. Hebbes, Brasenose, Oxford v Lemmings. 2010 The nature of cricket is such that a momentary lapse of concentration
is all it takes for a batsman to be out. There is unfortunately no record of
what Mr Hebbes was thinking at the precise moment he heard the death-rattle
behind him, but no doubt it was something like ‘Watch the ball watch the ball
watch the ball hmm what should I make for dinner tonight watch the ball’. A
salutary lesson: on match day, make sure to leave your mind uncluttered for
the task at hand, and that your wife is cooking for you that evening. |
Agricultural Smear (Part I) -
C. D. Roberts, Jordan Hill, Oxford v OUP. 2010 Straight from the
widely acknowledged Bible of Village Cricket, the Agricultural Smear
is a much lauded stroke passed from generation to generation of potato
farmers and local drunks. In this perfectly executed example by Tall Bob, the
only fly in the ointment is the bat bypassing the ball. |
Agricultural Smear (Part II) - C.
D. Roberts, Jordan Hill, Oxford v OUP. 2011 Who says lightning
doesn’t strike twice? Eschewing the motto of “if at first you don’t succeed, then
try, try again”, Tall Bob tries a variation of the Agricultural Smear and
reaps similar dividends as he did at the same venue a year ago. |
Aloof Northern Cover Drive -
M. Westmoreland, Aston Tirrold v Astons CC, Oxford. 2011 One of the most
elegant and imperious shots in cricket, the cover drive is befitting of only
the highest calibre of batsmen. You can of course ignore personal attributes
and play the shot regardless, demonstrating an aloof and dismissive attitude
towards the bowler. It must be noted that this only works in cases where you
actually hit the ball. |
The Magic Wand -
T. P. W. Smith, Wootton & Boars Hill v Wootton & Boars Hill CC, Oxford.
2011 Harry Potter or
Merlin could wave their wands and conjure up the most amazing spells and
special effects. A cricket bat could be likened to a magic wand if it wasn’t
for the fact it was much larger and yielded no magic (according to local Soothsayers).
In this example, Mr Smith waves his ‘magic bat’ at the ball hoping to dispel
that myth. |
The “Treble T” - I.
C. Leggate, Brasenose, Oxford v Cholsey CC. 2011 An extremely rare
photo of the Hunter S. Thompson patented “Twisted Torso Technique”. The
“Treble T” as it subsequently came to be known, allows the batsman the luxury
of sledging the keeper whilst playing the delivery blind. The ball is an
irrelevance as it is all about questioning the keeper’s marital status. |
Public Schoolboy Off Drive -
J. W. Pearson, Brasenose, Oxford v Cholsey CC. 2011 A rare and truly beautiful
example of a contemporary Public Schoolboy Off Drive by Mr Pearson. Note the
excellent footwork, balance and beautiful follow through. Marks are only lost
on the exam paper for failure to connect with the ball. |
Undead Essex Poke -
S. L. P. Dobner, Horspath v Horspath CC, Oxford. 2012 If one were to
glance through the Wisden Almanack you would be unable to find an example of
a zombie who plays, or who has played cricket. Yet in this quite
extraordinary photo taken in Oxford in 2012, one can quite clearly see a
member of the undead at the crease. Primary flaccidity has given way
to rigor mortis, in turn preventing any foot / leg movement whatsoever.
Decomposition of the eyeballs further compound the corpse’s problems in
attempting to coordinate the bat. |
The Hurler -
P. A. S. Mellor, Horspath v Horspath CC, Oxford. 2012 ‘The Hurler’ is a
cricketing shot native to Ireland, first coming into fruition when the Gaelic
Athletic Association decided to try their hand at this most venerable of
sports. Disregarding the merits of a delivery and displaying admirable levels
of contempt, the batsman instead aims at the rooftops of adjoining houses, succeeding
in all but the rarest of cases in getting himself out. The shot is usually
followed by groans of derision from his team mates and sizeable fines. |
The McKno Club -
D. Emerson, Jesus College v Appleton CC, Oxford. 2012 The much lauded
‘McKno Club’ is well supported by the FFTMCC and includes everyone who has
been skittled by Appleton’s aforementioned northerner, Mr McKno. Probably
jealous of his exclusion up until now, Dave Emerson is pictured taking his
bat for a walk as his stumps are smashed. Well done, Dave – your membership
card is in the post. |
The ‘Super’ Dismissal -
D. Emerson, Jesus College v Oxenford CC, Oxford. 2012 Since a ‘Super
Over’ is incredibly rare these days (when the regular match has ended in a
tie) to actually achieve a ‘Super’ dismissal is a great feat in itself. Fine
judgement must dictate which ball is going to hit your stumps and you need a
cool head to get everything out of the way of its trajectory (as Dave
does here). Well done, Wonky – a rare and no doubt unparalleled achievement. |
The Philadelphia -
M. Bullock, Stanton St John v Isis CC. 2012 Back in 1943, the
US naval military are alleged to have carried out an experiment in the
Philadelphia Naval Shipyard which rendered the USS Eldridge invisible. The
FFTMCC’s Chairman, Mr Bullock, a keen historian has unearthed missing
documents and transcripts relating to the ‘experiment’ and used them to great
success on his bat. In this photo, we can clearly see the ball has passed
straight through Matt’s willow and onto his stumps. Amazing! No wonder he was
chuffed. |