Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

“MAD Draw a Blank During Epic Cup Win

 

 

Match:  19 / 480

Lost by 10 Wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

97

R. Turner  18

 

Greys Green CC

98 - 0

 

 

 

 

Village cricket is dead.

 

Or at least village cricket will be dead if the current rate of cancelled games and deceased teams continues unchecked. Games take too long, it’s all outdated and kids and yoot have other shit do to – like Playstations, TV and banging needy girlfriends on their mates’ sofa after getting them pissed. Sunday saw Cholsey unable to field a team for the Friendly Cup and so the Cricket Lottery was activated in the hope of salvaging some sort of sporting pursuit. All hail the power of the internet, Giant Duck and thefixturelist-dot-org.

 

 

A group of people in a field

Description automatically generated

 

Greys Green.

 

 

Giant Duck isn’t a living entity you understand, merely a stuffed mallard that is associated with dog piss and most of all the MAD team photos. He’s been around for several years since being procured from a charity shop in Truro by Howarth. He’s also associated with an email address that is appropriated to MAD fixtures and henceforth a “name” in cricketing circles. He’s instantly recognisable, he’s on every fixture dudes email list, and to be anybody in village cricketing circles, you need to know Giant Duck.

 

Mohammed Shafqat, or Mo as per the hypocorism, was well acquainted with Mr Duck from Wolvercote days and when his new muse Greys Green fell foul of the current cricketing plague, he dialled him up and shit and got sorted. Thus, it was, having already won through to the next round of The Cup, The MAD decamped near Henley-on-Thames for rivalry anew. A chance to win two games in one weekend playing only one game.

 

 

A group of people sitting in the grass

Description automatically generated

 

Hotson (scoring) receives maths tuition by someone far brighter than him. 

 

 

Greys Green is a quite charming location, cut amongst some trees and flanked by the dwellings of aristocracy, an adjoining B-road is the only minor blemish having a constant trickle of Hooray Henrys cruising up and down in antique automobiles. The location is a world away from the scrub of dog turd which is Cowley Marshes and its graffiti daubed brick walls.

 

The club itself has been in existence since 1873, whereby the Henley Standard detailed a match there between a Mr Saunders’ XI and some combined ensemble from Wyfold and Stoke Row. The return would have Saunders rebrand as Greys Green CC, though merchandising and ticket sales are unknown.

 

Fast forward to the twenty-first century and the visit of a pub team with barely twenty years of history but boasting two books in the Bodleian library. A team not unadvised to the regulations of timed cricket, but largely ignorant of ever learning how to adapt to it. Here, on a lovely day, they were put into bat with the requirement of batting until the tea interval, or to give it some measurement, about two and half hours. This they didn’t do, but came quite close, but did bat 35 overs which is what they normally do don’t.

 

 

A group of baseball players standing on top of a grass covered field

Description automatically generated

 

Shorten (batting) applying himself to not knowing what he is doing.

 

 

Turner (18) and Shorten (9) made a commendable effort in concentration at the crease, navigating past the half hour mark. Cartwright (3) and Howarth (14) didn’t, the former running himself out in ridiculous fashion and the latter thinking it was a T20 and caught on the slog sweep. Reeves (15) batted the longest, but that was because he was stood at the other end watching a succession of partners walk all the way out, not do a lot and then walk all the way back to the pavilion (Webster 3, Timms 3, Hoskins 4, Hotson 3 and Rundle 5). This all left John Newman-Robson selfishly unbeaten on 13 not out and the team very all out on 97. Wickets were shared amongst the Greys Green bowlers who all acquitted themselves to a length.

 

 

A picture containing grass, athletic game, outdoor, sport

Description automatically generated     A red white and black dog standing on grass

Description automatically generated

 

Webster (batting) readies himself to do nothing as Midge looks at some crap dog biscuits.

 

 

Tea was a splendid and generous affair with the ladies of Greys Green doing themselves no harm at all in the popularity stakes. It was just a shame Team MAD didn’t have anything positive to moan about regarding their batting.

 

On resumption, Grey’s opening bowlers (Shafqat 26* and Ahmed 68*) had an hour or so of blocking and nurdling before the final portion of the day commenced. At a time embossed is local bylaws, The MAD were now expected to throw down a further twenty overs – or something like that as the sun slowly sank behind the pavilion. Messrs Newman (7-1-16-0) and Rundle (6-2-10-0) were tidy if unthreatening, with the latter thanking Hotson for his continued dry spell after a bungle behind. Hoskins (4-0-24-0) also extended his own personal dry spell, receiving a standing ovation having eclipsed the previous MAD record for overs without a wicket (previously 35.3 by an unnamed chap mentioned earlier in this pithy satire – who opened the bowling with Newman).

 

 

A group of baseball players standing on top of a grass covered field

Description automatically generated

 

Mike (right) to James: “You trying batting, yeah? Good idea – you’re shit at bowling.”

 

 

Days (or was it weeks?) had passed by before Webster (3.4-0-27-0) was finally introduced into the attack to try and bring an end to the game. This he achieved with no little aplomb, sending down a succession of head high beamers and no balls to get the home team home by ten wickets.

 

An odd game, a very curious game with much undefined, but a good game nonetheless, which is far more appealing to no game which is what was on the table after Cholsey pulled out of the Cup. In summary, two games in one day, a win and a loss and no wickets taken.

 

 

‘Slogger Ignoramus’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Greys Green CC

Played at Greys Green, 19 May 2019

 

Greys Green CC won the toss and elected to field

Greys Green CC won by 10 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

19 / 480

 

 

 

 

 

Timed match

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

R. P. Turner

c Ahmed b Shafqat

18

(36)

2

-

2-27

2

D. Shorten

c Shah b Ahmed

9

(35)

-

-

1-23

3

J. A. Cartwright

run out (Cross)

3

(15)

-

-

3-38

4

I. Howarth

c J. Holroyd b Skilleter

14

(16)

3

-

4-44

5

J. vdG. Webster

lbw b Skilleter

3

(23)

-

-

5-54

6

M. K. Reeves

b Sullivan

15

(27)

3

-

8-76

7

G. J. Timms *

b Shah

3

(5)

-

-

6-57

8

J. D. Hoskins

c Skilleter b Sullivan

4

(18)

1

-

7-71

9

J. Newman-Robson

not out

13

(16)

2

-

-

10

J. C. W. Hotson †

b Cross

3

(11)

-

-

9-85

11

M. S. Rundle

b J. Holroyd

5

(12)

1

-

10-97

 

Extras

W5, B2

7

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 35.4 overs)

97

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Ahmed

7

1

18

1

2.57

 

2

Shafqat

11

3

13

1

1.18

 

3

Skilleter

6

0

23

2

3.83

 

4

Shah

5

0

16

1

3.20

 

5

Sullivan

3

1

5

2

1.67

 

6

Cross

2

0

11

1

5.50

 

7

J. Holroyd

1.4

0

9

1

5.40

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Greys Green CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

M. Shafqat

not out

26

 

2

-

-

2

B. Ahmed

not out

68

 

11

-

-

3

M. Sullivan

 

 

 

 

 

 

4

N. Holroyd

 

 

 

 

 

 

5

M. Lambert †

 

 

 

 

 

 

6

M. Skilleter *

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

P. Shah

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

J. Holroyd

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

P. Dawkins

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

T. Cross

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

P. Hoggart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

NB1, W1, LB2

4

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 0 wickets, 27.4 overs)

98

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Newman-Robson

7

1

16

0

2.29

 

2

Rundle

6

2

10

0

1.67

 

3

Hoskins

4

0

24

0

6.00

 

4

Reeves

4

1

8

0

2.00

 

5

Webster

3.4

0

27

0

7.36

 

6

Timms

3

1

11

0

3.67

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  M. S. Rundle

Champagne Moment:  J. D. Hoskins’ routine boundary

Buffet Award:  J. vdG. Webster’s Pannekoeken (sweet and savoury dish)

MAD Moment:  G. J. Timms and J. Newman-Robson’s sliding combo in the covers

 

 

Opposition:  V109 / 01

Ground:  G101 / 01

Captain:  C022 / 80

Match No:  TM / 015