Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

“McCann Absent as Daley Falls on his Sword

 

 

Match:  18 / 446

Lost by 20 runs

 

 

Team

 

Total

Wolvercote CC

140 - 4

M. Reeves  2 - 12

 

FFTMCC

120 - 7

I. Howarth  30*,  R. Turner  30*

 

 

 

 

With the month of May ushering in a belated cricket season, that posh and illusive school ground frequented by Pearson Jr all those years ago ushered in the first T20 of the season. With updates and bulletins coming through on text, email and FaceTime relating to “horrific traffic on the Woodstock Road”, a MAD collective descended some five hours early having (a) found the ground first time and (b) discovered no issues with Woody Road.

 

 

 

PPV sales are reportedly good for coverage of Shorten’s 2018 T20 Circus (right).

 

 

The spare three hundred minutes or so were taken up with idle chatter concerning Russ finally scoring some runs at the weekend, Howarth’s Greek tan and Vermaak’s absence in any action shots since he started playing for the club. Having lied about the state of the transport network and snow in surrounding villages, Mellor now bitched on about the demise of his pink golf visor. Elsewhere Midge was let off her lead to savage a few dozen muntjacs and Jake realised his wasn’t among the playing staff having driven the eight hours from Banbury.

 

Batting first, the bedrock of the Wolvercote innings was provided by their muscular skipper, Mr McKintyre (35 ret), whose sweet South African timing of the ball made a mockery of the massive outfield. He particularly enjoyed the express 63.1 mph++ bowling of A. Darley (4-0-26-1), who was spanked to mid on, long on, deep mid on and deep tractor shed longest on.

 

 

 

Note Andrew’s bowling map at Lords, with four of his deliveries sat nicely in that V for driving (to a RH bat).

 

 

The home side’s progress was checked firstly by the vertical Roberts (3-0-20-0), who seemed to enjoy the bouncy pitch, and then the evergreen Reeves (3-0-12-2), who even in a rain-wrapped tornado in the dark would still appear… well, green.

 

Less green were Messrs Shorten (3-0-24-0) and Timms (3-0-18-1), and although they are purportedly younger in age, their birth certificates remain an unknown. Vermaak (2-0-24-0) would later cop some tonk, whilst Howarth (2-0-6-0) somehow returned economy despite his own admission of bowling only one good ball.

 

With 141 needed for victory, a mid-innings delay unfolded as Skipper Shorten struggled to read his own hand-writing. Still flustered after half an hour, he looked up from some crumpled paper and chose the two guys stood nearest to open the batting.

 

Without checking recent history, this is the first time Williams and Howarth have ever batted together, or maybe it isn’t. About a decade in the making, their combination was utterly absorbing in its complete absence of application. Williams (14) recorded his first dot balls of the year (2 of them, although 3 if you count his dismissal), whilst the latter pulled some wonderful shots off the splice of his bat in notching 30 off 24 balls (retired).

 

At this point in the game a hushed silence descended on The MAD boundary with the appearance George Cole. With the famed actor eschewing his coat and trilby in favour of cricketing attire, Arthur Daley walked out to bat at number four. Could he bat? And what was he doing here? We soon found out the answer to the first question as he launched a pie from C. Cunningham fully 90 metres over deep cow. A wonderful effort, had it not been to the longest boundary in Oxfordshire being some 91 metres away. Caught. Arthur didn’t moan about it once, not that the absent Dennis Waterman would know.

 

 

 

 

 

Notice the guy laughing at Arthur’s gross stupidity in the gully….

 

 

On any other occasion, Mr Mellor’s dismissal the very next ball (also golden) would undoubtedly have scooped The MAD Moment, however his being stumped after dancing down the wicket to a wide comes a very close second. A brief transcript after his return to the dugout:

 

PM:  It was a wide! What the f___?”

Team:  Yes, Paddy – we know, but you can be out to a wide.”

PM:  But it was a w-w-w-w-i-i-i-i-d-d-d-d-e-e-e-e?”

Team:  ……..”

 

 

 

Match coverage provided in conjunction with QZ Design.

 

 

A typical MAD collapse was thankfully stalled by Wolvercote grassing Reeves (22* off 20 balls) first ball, Turner (30 ret off 45 balls) becoming immovable and Shorten (11 off 11 balls) lifting spirits before gently lowering them into a grave.

 

The required run rate would soon spiral out of control, with Timms being castled for a duck and Roberts crashing a four before going walkabout. Bob’s dismissal had the home team pulling up stumps, before they were gently replaced after the umpires and scorers suggested one ball remained. Time enough for Mr Vermaak to occupy five minutes in the gathering gloom by walking out to the middle, escorting the final delivery on to his stumps and walking back again.

 

The T20 Shorten Circus has returned. BRING ON THE CHAOS!!!

 

++ - Andrew participated in a Lord’s coaching session and was clocked at 63.1mph (although unverified)

 

 

*

 

Noms de plumes

 

 

The MAD

 

George Cole (aka Arthur Daley) – Andrew Darley

 

 

‘R. E. T. Asterix’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Wolvercote CC

Played at St Edwards School (Lower Pitch 3), 6 May 2018

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field

Wolvercote CC won by 20 runs

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

18 / 446

 

 

 

 

 

20 over match

 

 

 

Team

Wolvercote CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

Details to follow….

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 4 wickets, 20 overs)

140

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 7 wickets, 20 overs)

120

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  M. K. Reeves

Champagne Moment:  M. K. Reeves’ catch in the covers

Buffet Award:  C. J. Vermaak’s Cape Malay curry (with extra turmeric)

MAD Moment:  A. Daley holing out on the longest boundary in MAD history

 

 

Opposition:  V0 / 00

Ground:  G0 / 00

Captain:  C0 / 00

Match No:  00 / 000