Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

“Tales of Vomit and Absurdity

 

 

Match:  18 / 464

Lost by 3 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

145

J. Pearson  65,  R. Turner  24

 

Wootton & Bladon CC

146 - 7

I. Howarth  3 - 33

 

 

 

 

Sunday began on Saturday and for some it actually started on Friday (getting pissed that is). For those that weren’t shitfaced on Friday evening and throwing up in their dad’s bathroom, Saturday was the preferred option, whereby you could join the stag (James Hoskins) for an all-day poker and drinking session at Horspath CC and then eff and jeff at a curry house thereafter. Your choice of where to throw up following these escapades were varied, some sought the solace of moonlight hedgerows along Horspath Road, others the quiet and more intimate surrounds of Oriel College. But wherever you decided, the mantra was always the same, better out than in, whatever that really means.

 

 

 

 

It is now some five years since Mr Hoskins met Polly on his globetrotting sabbatical, eating arachnids together under a starlit sky in the Serengeti. Time has flown by since then, the team have a won a few games, we’ve got another female Prime Minister, we’ve opted to tell Europe to fuck off and the price of cider has risen alarmingly. Thankfully this isn’t the case at Horspath CC, where a good pint of Thatcher’s and a baby bottle of Prosecco remain bicycle chained to £2.50. Thanks to Max Eason and the bar staff for keeping up with our requirements on the day.

 

Onto Sunday where there was further puiking, some more drinking and some people played some cricket. The four that played some cricket combined to realise 125 runs, whilst the seven that opted to show up and be collectively useless scored 7 runs. The thing is with being useless (better known as fucking shite), is the comparatively more enjoyable your day becomes when surrounding yourself with other people’s failure. Take for instance Jan Webster (golden), who watched an over from the non-strikers end before re-enacting a blind man with a walking stick and retracing the 100 yards back to the pavilion. Totally crap and he must have felt pretty lousy to be fair to him, but his spirits were immediately lifted by the subsequent shambles which was Richard Hadfield (0). Together, they could now chastise life and hope deep down that other players in the team would join their small world of capitulation and acridity. Misery loves company after all and misery found plenty on this day.

 

 

 

Pops – batting for the family, just to prove he was out there.

 

 

Shortly after, Howarth wiped himself down of vomit before striding out purposefully in making an addled 3, Timms (0) shouldn’t have bothered, Hoskins (3) kicked his kit back to the hutch with the jibe of “that’s the first thing you’ve middled”, before the best of the worst was saved to last as Emerson (1) ran himself out after instructing his partner Hotson (0* from 0 balls) to be mindful of any dodgy singles. How we all laughed and how all of David’s kit got similarly kicked back to the pavilion.

 

So, what of the four people who scored all the runs (out of a MAD total of 145)? Russ (24) swore a lot after wasting a promising start, Williams (23) apologised to his family after they missed him bat and Reeves (13) was simply happy to be at the other end watching Pearson club his way to 65 in what has been a pretty stellar year (for him anyway).

 

The tea interval encouraged everyone to seek shade from the sun and chow down on a rare tea prepared by Mrs Reeves. Certainly not rare in her dedication to the cause, but rare in 2018 as she has been manhandled around the globe by her husband who seems fixated with playing bugger all cricket, complaining about his kneecaps and wiping all trace of Ian Howarth from the co-authored book ‘Never at This Level’.

 

 

 

Hotson (top) regards himself above most of the Fat Boys.

 

 

Feeling smug about having already put the hard yards in, the rotund gents of Bladon watched a rather old school MAD bowling unit throw down their reply. After years of chronic whinging and whining, it appears Emerson’s (6-1-17-1) body is now fit for purpose and he bowled with a swagger not seen since before the years of chronic whinging and whining. Hoskins’ (7-0-27-1) bakery continues to find a decent passing trade, whereas Timms’ (5-0-38-1) is perhaps in need of a refit, the smell of slightly burnt crust palpable.

 

After standing in slip for the entire game, Reeves (7-1-24-1) displayed no obvious discomfort in bowling a full stint, perhaps slightly peeved the wickets nearly all seemed to fall at the other end, Howarth (6-0-33-3) the beneficiary as he rekindled the days of when he was useful. Just as well, as his batting has gone to shit.

 

After the obligatory tonking of Mr Valentine (34) any hopes of a MAD victory were subsequently ran out the park by the incredible energy of Wootton skipper J Trinder. His unbeaten and ultimately divisive knock (41 not out) contained 2s made from 1s, 3s made from 2s and 4s that were higher than the 1s, 2s and 3s just mentioned.

 

 

 

Right – the now rebuild David Emerson sans the griping and moaning about “injuries”.

 

 

In 2016 a new MAD honour was introduced by the club, namely the, erm… MAD Moment, which sought to celebrate the wackiest episode over the course of the season. Previous winners include Andrew Darley and J. vdG. Webster and it is the latter who may well have put himself in with a great chance of retaining this dubious award. Attacking the ball on the boundary, then thinking twice of it, Jan then clumsily watched the ball go under his outstretched hands, between his legs before zinging into a mesh fence behind him (four). His reaction was jaw-droppingly brilliant as he told the ball vocally to “FUCK OFF” before jumping in the air and pounding his weight on the floor. Amusing enough, but perhaps not so for the gentle family and kids enjoying an afternoon tea party behind the fence.

 

Anyway, getting back to the action and the process of losing, that’s what happened to the Far from the MCC on July 22 after MOTM Pearson (0.4-0-7-0) undid everyone’s hard work over the course of the day by getting summarily twatted at the end. For fuck’s sake, James….

 

In conclusion, a very enjoyable match against a very enjoyable opposition on a ground far too massive to comprehend, it has been a long sun-drenched weekend, but one to live long in the memory.

 

 

‘W. E. E. Kender’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Wootton & Bladon CC

Played at Oriel College, 22 July 2018

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat

Wootton & Bladon CC won by 3 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

18 / 464

 

 

 

 

 

35 over match

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

R. P. Turner

c Dogget b Craig

24

(41)

2

-

3-53

2

J. vdG. Webster

b Trinder

0

(1)

-

-

1-6

3

R. J. B. Hadfield

c Dogget b Trinder

0

(7)

-

-

2-12

4

C. T. J. Williams

c Trinder b Craig

23

(26)

4

-

4-54

5

I. Howarth

c Bishop b Floyd

3

(14)

-

-

5-60

6

J. W. Pearson

c Gorton b Bishop

65

(61)

10

-

9-145

7

G. J. Timms *

b Floyd

0

(2)

-

-

6-60

8

J. D. Hoskins

c Trinder b Hambridge

3

(6)

-

-

7-65

9

M. K. Reeves

c Janason b Bishop

13

(31)

1

-

8-136

10

D. Emerson

run out

1

(6)

-

-

10-145

11

J. C. W. Hotson †

not out

0

(0)

-

-

-

 

Extras

NB2, W6, LB1, B4

13

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 32 overs)

145

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Craig

7

0

28

2

4.00

 

2

Trinder

5

0

12

2

2.40

 

3

Hambridge

5

0

18

1

3.60

 

4

Floyd

5

0

17

2

3.40

 

5

De Bono

4

0

32

0

8.00

 

6

Gorton

2

0

23

0

11.50

 

7

Bishop

4

2

9

2

2.25

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Wootton & Bladon CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

T. Valentine

c Williams b Howarth

34

 

4

-

3-78

2

G. Dogget †

c Hotson b Emerson

4

 

1

-

1-5

3

J. Bishop

c Pearson b Hoskins

23

 

3

-

2-53

4

J. Janason

b Howarth

13

 

1

-

4-81

5

A. Hambridge

c Pearson b Reeves

10

 

-

-

5-113

6

J. Trinder *

not out

41

 

3

-

-

7

D. De Bono

b Howarth

0

 

-

-

6-113

8

T. Gorton

b Timms

1

 

-

-

7-134

9

D. Craig

not out

8

 

1

-

-

10

D. Floyd

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

NB1, W1, LB10

12

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 7 wickets, 31.4 overs)

146

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Emerson

6

1

17

1

2.83

 

2

Hoskins

7

0

27

1

3.86

 

3

Timms

5

0

38

1

7.60

 

4

Reeves

7

1

24

1

3.43

 

5

Howarth

6

0

33

3

5.50

 

6

Pearson

0.4

0

7

0

10.50

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  J. W. Pearson

Champagne Moment:  J. C. W. Hotson’s catch diving the wrong way (keeper)

Buffet Award:  G. J. Timms’ neverending summer barbeque (full trims)

MAD Moment:  J. vdG. Webster’s swearing meltdown after a boundary bungle

 

 

Opposition:  V027 / 27

Ground:  G084 / 02

Captain:  C022 / 75

Match No:  35 / 163