Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

“Delia Puts on a Spread

 

 

Match:  18 / 468

Lost by 16 runs

 

 

Team

 

Total

Battisford CC

187 - 5

C. Roberts  1 - 8

 

FFTMCC

171 - 6

I. Howarth  30*,  R. Turner  29

 

 

 

 

Battisford CC toured Oxfordshire in 2017, helping The MAD (and themselves) to get shitfaced at Mansfield Road and play some cricket. In fact, the two teams also got shitfaced before the game as well, the hosts hoping to boost their chances of winning by getting their opponents addled pre-game in assorted inner city pubs. A wholly haphazard, unresearched strategy came apart at the seams as soon as it was noted these Norfolk Suffolk farmers could still perform after drinking to excess, the upshot being a complete dicking but an enjoyable one nonetheless. Hitherto a friendship was born and under Jake Hotson’s magnificent tour organisational skills, a rematch was set in stone (or Palatino Linotype on a computer screen) for 2018.

 

 

 

Unable to read or write, Henry the Farmer is gifted a copy to look at some pictures.

 

 

Located in Norfolk Suffolk, Delia Smith helped the farmers to realise a longstanding dream by converting one of their plots of land into the charming, picturesque cricket ground it is today. Obscured by trees atop a shallow hill and surrounded by wheat fields that stretch to Norfolk, their ambitions are now a reality. A newly constructed pavilion helps keeps the beer and cider cold, whilst a few nearby houses provide target practice for the batsmen.

 

MAD Numbers were swelled on this day with the addition of James Hoskins, fresh from a seven hour commute with his pet drone. Costing around half a grand (purportedly for his upcoming wedding), this flying camera apparatus amused everyone, including the bystanders at the Orwell Hotel earlier in the day when it got stuck in a tree.

 

Having won the captaincy and won the toss, Captain Williams elected to give the farmers a wonderful opportunity with their bats to smash a few windows and kill a few cattle. They failed in both pursuits, however daylight did extend into nightfall with balls regularly rediscovered from ditches, bushes and manicured gardens belonging to high society (and Delia’s friends).

 

 

 

 

 

The bowling was shared around with everyone getting a proper tonking, the standout being two overs of quite memorable toss from Turner (2-0-37-0) which served as a delicious precursor to the extensive barbeque post match. Of the four humungous maximums endangering local birdlife, the one that disappeared into a trench to find Hoskins entangled in brambles was the best. That ball never was seen again, but an old pink one of unknown parentage was thrown back for Russ to complete the over. It apparently did a bit off the seam.

 

All the Battisford batsman enjoyed themselves, most retiring on reaching 30 after several lusty blows, the unlucky one being Holman (18) who received the first ball bowled by Hotson (2-0-25-1) to travel in a wicket taking trajectory since 2001. Poor fucker. With Messrs Roberts (2-0-8-1) and Williams (2-0-13-1) completing the bowling duties and 187-5 detailed on the board, the farmers headed back to their cider barrels to invest their skillsets to the matter at hand.

 

I’ve visited many cricket clubs during my brief time on Mother Earth and I have to say that this one I would place in the higher echelons that espouses that all-encompassing feel good factor. A family club of multiple generations all mucking in and bar the children, all on the piss to relish a good slaughtering of a touring bunch of pissheads. By the interval the bar and seating outside were rammed. T20 cricket on a Friday evening? It’ll never catch on….

 

 

 

Rare shot of A. Darley hitting the ball / not getting out.

 

 

In reply, The MAD made a decent fist of chasing the improbable total. Bob (13) mooed a few, Darley was dropped a dozen times or caught off no-balls in making 28, whilst Turner (29) counted all his way to retirement to get out and had to return to start a fight with the scorers over a missing single. Howarth (30 ret) rode his luck and Williams (21) did what Williams always does, by courting the eye with some run-a-ball hitting and then getting himself out to a total prick shot (sound familiar Howarth?)

 

Chasing 188 in twenty overs was always a ridiculous ask and ultimately it was, with a few desperate swings of the bat from Hoskins (2), Bullock (2), Rundle (1*) and Hotson (2*) illuminated by a stunning Norfolk Suffolk sunset. Dreamlike, entrancing and to be fair, this artistic masterpiece in the sky glossed all over the action on the field.

 

 

 

 

 

Time for desert or rather the aforementioned barbeque and fraternising with the locals to get bladdered. The last sentence being a true barometer for this club’s holy aspirations.

 

A magnificent game, a magnificent stage and magnificent hosts, we look forward to Part Trois and getting these Norfolk Suffolk farmers shitfaced next June.

 

 

 

 

 

‘Clement Chevallier’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Battisford CC

Played at Moats Tye, Norfolk, 3 August 2018

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field

Battisford CC won by 16 runs

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

18 / 468

 

 

 

 

 

20 over match

 

 

 

Team

Battisford CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

J. Rowson

retired

30

 

3

2

-

2

J. Peacock

c Hoskins b Darley

14

 

2

1

1-19

3

R. Armstrong

retired

30

 

3

1

-

4

R. Pryke

retired

32

 

3

3

-

5

C. Holman

b Hotson

18

 

2

1

2-127

6

C. Bull *

lbw b Hoskins

2

 

-

-

3-127

7

T. Sillett

c Williams b Roberts

15

 

2

-

4-168

8

J. Doughty

b Williams

26

 

5

-

5-177

9

G. Prentice

not out

3

 

-

-

-

10

J. Windsor

not out

10

 

1

-

-

11

H. Ruffle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

W3, LB3, B1

7

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 5 wickets, 20 overs)

187

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Darley

2

0

19

1

9.50

 

2

Howarth

2

0

17

0

8.50

 

3

Newman-Robson

2

0

14

0

7.00

 

4

Turner

2

0

37

0

18.50

 

5

Rundle

2

0

14

0

7.00

 

6

Hotson

2

0

25

1

12.50

 

7

Hoskins

2

0

16

1

8.00

 

8

Reeves

2

0

21

0

10.50

 

9

Williams

2

0

13

1

6.50

 

10

Roberts

2

0

8

1

4.00

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

R. P. Turner

c Windsor b Armstrong

29

(26)

6

-

3-91

2

C. D. Roberts

b Bull

13

(8)

2

-

1-23

3

A. Darley

c Rawson b Prentice

28

(27)

4

1

2-83

4

I. Howarth

retired

30

(26)

6

-

-

5

J. D. Hoskins

b Rawson

2

(9)

-

-

4-110

6

C. T. J. Williams *

b Armstrong

21

(14)

3

-

5-166

7

M. Bullock †

b Sillett

2

(8)

-

-

6-166

8

M. S. Rundle

not out

1

(4)

-

-

-

9

J. C. W. Hotson

not out

2

(1)

-

-

-

10

M. K. Reeves

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

J. Newman-Robson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

NB3, W9, LB2, B29

43

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 6 wickets, 20 overs)

171

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Bull

2

0

12

1

6.00

 

2

Niljaan

2

0

20

0

10.00

 

3

Ruffle

1

0

18

0

18.00

 

4

Windsor

2

0

16

0

8.00

 

5

Prentice

2.5

0

13

1

4.59

 

6

Pryke

2

0

6

0

3.00

 

7

Armstrong

2

0

2

2

1.00

 

8

Rawson

1

0

12

1

12.00

 

9

Holman

2

0

13

0

6.50

 

10

Peacock

2

0

19

0

9.50

 

11

Sillett

1.1

0

9

1

7.71

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  A. Darley

Champagne Moment:  J. D. Hoskins’ routine catch in the covers

Buffet Award:  R. P. Turner’s full fat burgers (seeded buns and extra relish)

MAD Moment:  A. Darley’s flying and landing of the drone

 

 

Opposition:  V093 / 02

Ground:  G094 / 01

Captain:  C028 / 02

Match No:  20 / 123