Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

“Carter Stars in Unexpected Non-Hammering

 

 

Match:  17 / 408

Won by 7 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

Horspath Club XI

197 - 6

D. Barlow  2 - 26

 

FFTMCC

199 - 3

I. Howarth  73,  L. Ainsworth  72*

 

 

 

 

Most people will remember their debuts for this club, and I remember mine at the soulless environs of Cowley Marshes, where I got few runs before Steve Dobner triggered me in the rain. To be fair to him, I was already walking, plumb LBW b Batman. I imagine Dave Barlow will remember his debut too, not that his innings was ended by a superhero, but that it came against a bona fide superteam.

 

 

 

Barlow (back row) with maroon cap.

 

 

This was the sixth match to be hosted by Horspath CC and the first since 2014, after previous inauspicious results forced a committee rethink on the fixture. For a quick reference of case points discussed that evening, please see below:

 

Item 1 – rather dispiriting results:

a.      2010 complete pasting but Dan Edwards bats all day in facing one thousand deliveries (lost by 126 runs).

b.      2011 total annihilation but until the ninth over The MAD run-rate worm was ahead of Horspath (lost by 200 runs).

c.       2012 agonizing crucifixion after Captain Westmoreland has the temerity to bat first (lost by 9 wkts).

d.      2013 comprehensive demolition after humiliating seismic collapse (lost by 151 runs).

e.       2014 resounding thumping but Dave Emerson clubs a few at the end (lost by 133 runs).

Item 2 – batsmen not happy starting the season with a duck.

Item 3 – bowlers not happy starting the season with an economy in double figures.

Item 4 – team not happy being labelled masochists (aka the Bodleian).

Item 5 – team not happy.

 

Time is a great healer as we know, although as most of the team enter their dotage, time can also hasten dementia, so after disappointing early season trips to other disappointing grounds a return to Horspath was back on the agenda. Besides, it’s a lovely ground with a very welcoming group of players and secretary, and most important of all, it has an open bar charging only £2.75 a pint. For the unpicked available members of the club, that last point is pivotal.

 

 

 

Carter (facing) demonstrating admirable blindness with the bat.

 

 

In the games’ beginnings, history looked like repeating itself as bowlers Newman-Robson and ‘Bob’ Roberts went wicketless in recording the identical figures of 5-0-18-0. The comparisons stopped there however, because whilst Bob hit his line and found prodigious bounce, Newman threw down a pile of shite that Horspath’s left-right combo could hardly reach. In fairness to Jon, his acerbic mutterings for the most the innings at mid-on more than made up for his malfunctioning compass.

 

It was the lefties who would make the inroads, Ainsworth (4-0-14-1) who actually bowls right-handed for some stupid reason had Hamilton LBW for 24, whilst Reeves (5-0-41-1) found a leg stump yorker amongst a pile of dross to reduce Horspath to 61-2. Messrs Howarth (4-0-16-1) and Timms (4-0-6-1) were surprisingly economical in picking up another couple, whilst Barlow (3-0-26-2) and Emerson (3-0-24-0) were not. Dave B looked crap, but found Carter awake in the field for once (Moon caught 40), whilst Dave E looked rhythmic, but found his namesake not quite so awake in the field (drop). In fairness to Dave B, he at least put a name on the stratospheric steepler, but as to whether it was Dave or Dave’s was open to interpretation, seeing they were both stood underneath it. Some slow rubbish at the death from R. P. Turner (2-0-21-0) ensured that Ainsworth got to showcase his Masters Degree in moaning and HCC almost got to 200. Everyone likes a good fucking moan and it’s heartening that the cricket season is now back in full swing.

 

 

 

Turner (batting) giving himself a hernia.

 

 

Tea allowed Timms and Ainsworth to hug it out, whilst Howarth was left to go hungry as he copied the Horspath innings on the wrong page of the scorebook. Club Patron Tony Mander popped by and was joined by Thornton Smith in delighting they could watch the game play out on CCTV whilst remaining in the bar.

 

As with the Wootton & Bladon run chase in Woodstock last year, it was Carter (4) again building the solid foundations for The MAD reply, occupying the crease until well into the second over and taking all the pressure off his partner. Turner looked in prime form against the speed of A. Rehman, unfurling several cover drives that suggested he was both in the mood and looking to pass 20 for the first time since The Simpsons aired. He didn’t naturally, falling to the cunning guile of veteran C. Ricks (6-2-24-1) whilst looking as confused as everybody else.

 

It would seem Howarth has found a perfect dancing partner in Mr Ainsworth. Lee assuaging that becalming pedigree at the wicket, whilst chastising Ian whenever he plays a dumb shot. He played a couple of dumb shots here, got his detention and then showed the maturity that carried him to the end of last season.

 

 

 

Barlow glides one to leg having avoided a duck on debut.

 

 

Things tilted very much in The MAD’s favour in twenty fifth over, an over that went for 19 runs included five angry wides from Anwar (7-0-51-0) after Howarth had brought his fifty up with a tonk over cow corner. With runs now flowing at either end, Horspath fielding grew ragged as Ainsworth picked out the gaps for his own celebration.

 

An injudicious hoik by Spam (73) off J. Swaine (7.5-0-37-2) ended a splendid partnership of 137, so just the notional 13 runs off 3 overs for that unthinkable MAD win. Unthinkable, as this club is revered in fucking the unfuckable, having honed their superlative self-destructive talents over two debilitating decades. So maybe this was the perfect scenario with which to send Dave Barlow out to bat at number five, a man with little or no prior knowledge of debacles of yore?

 

Cricketing folklore decries that Dave Barlow notched seventeen ducks in his first season for Astons CC, though his MAD history reads very different. Here he stroked the winning runs (13*) before striding back to the warm embrace of his teammates, job well done. Lee remained unbeaten on 72 not out, exhausted by his moaning.

 

 

 

 

One swallow does not a summer make, but a record MAD run chase against an opponent we’d never beaten, we’ll take that. So that’s a tick against Milton and Horspath away, just the Lemmings remain as a country unconquered. The portents are good.

 

 

‘C. C. TV’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Horspath Club XI

Played at Horspath CC, 16 April 2017

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field

Far from the MCC won by 7 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

17 / 408

 

 

 

 

 

35 over match

 

 

 

Team

Horspath Club XI

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. Watts

b Reeves

13

 

2

-

2-61

2

G. Hamilton

lbw b Ainsworth

24

 

4

-

1-52

3

H. Moon

c Carter b Barlow

40

 

6

-

6-142

4

A. Rehman

b Howarth

23

 

5

-

3-110

5

C. Thompson †

lbw b Timms

4

 

-

-

4-124

6

C. Ricks

b Barlow

10

 

2

-

5-137

7

A. Sarwar

not out

36

 

5

1

-

8

G. Horsley

not out

21

 

4

-

-

9

E. Ward

 

13

 

2

-

2-61

10

J. Swaine

 

24

 

4

-

1-52

11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

NB3, W11, LB5, B7

26

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 6 wickets, 35 overs)

197

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Newman-Robson

5

0

18

0

3.60

 

2

Roberts

5

0

18

0

3.60

 

3

Ainsworth

4

0

14

1

3.50

 

4

Reeves

5

0

41

1

8.20

 

5

Howarth

4

0

16

1

4.00

 

6

Timms

4

0

6

1

1.50

 

7

Barlow

3

0

26

2

8.67

 

8

Emerson

3

0

24

0

8.00

 

9

Turner

2

0

21

0

10.50

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

G. Carter

c Ward b Swaine

4

(7)

1

-

1-7

2

L. G. Ainsworth

not out

72

(89)

10

-

-

3

R. P. Turner

b Ricks

20

(33)

3

-

2-48

4

I. Howarth

b Swaine

73

(65)

9

2

3-185

5

D. Barlow

not out

13

(12)

2

-

-

6

D. Emerson

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

M. K. Reeves

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

G. J. Timms *

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

J. C. W. Hotson †

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

J. Newman-Robson

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

C. D. Roberts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

NB4, W8, LB4, B1

17

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 3 wickets, 33.5 overs)

199

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

Econ

 

1

Rehman

7

0

39

0

5.57

 

2

Swaine

7.5

0

37

2

4.72

 

3

Ricks

6

2

24

1

4.00

 

4

Sarwar

7

0

51

0

7.29

 

5

Ward

3

0

31

0

10.33

 

6

Moon

3

0

11

0

3.67

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  I. Howarth

Champagne Moment:  I. Howarth’s huge six to bring up his fifty

Buffet Award:  R. P. Turner’s ham and pickle wholemeal baguettes

MAD Moment:  L. G. Ainsworth’s Dilscoop off a Ward beamer

 

 

Opposition:  V057 / 06

Ground:  G046 / 06

Captain:  C022 / 54

Match No:  35 / 146