Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

Far From the MCC fines 09.08.12 v Happisburgh CC (a) lost by 4 wkts

 

 

2012aug9h

 

 

Recorded Fines

 

25p unless otherwise stated.

 

 

Name

 

Fine

Reason

Cost

Dave E

Failure to convert

 

 

 

Hypochondriac

Shoulder injury... Bollocks!

 

 

Bullying Small Child

Spam

 

 

Giggling at Spam

See Spam's fines

 

 

Opening Bowler, not bowling

 

 

 

Self-Entrapment

 

 

 

Blatant Lying

 

£1.00

 

Smug

 

 

 

Not taking Norfolk Seriously

 

 

 

Losing Duck

 

 

 

Abandoning Duck

In Oxford and in Norfolk

 

 

Unimpressed with Norfolk

“It looks like a shithole”

 

 

Comedy Dismissal

 

 

 

Blagging Double Bed

In front of his driver and an “ill” Jake

 

 

Fines Avoidance

 

 

 

Harbouring

 

 

 

Lots of Unnecessary Running

 

 

Running to non-strikers end while Paddy stood their admiring a shot that didn't reach the boundary and having to go back

 

 

Continuing a collapse

 

 

 

Getting out to shit

 

 

 

Using up team luck *10

 

£2.50

 

Wearing a hoodie in baking heat

 

 

 

Weather confusion

 

"It's boiling out here, I better wrap up warm!"

 

 

 

Trying to start bushfire

Irresponsible Cigarette disposal

 

 

Can't add up

 

 

 

Missing New Zealand

 

 

 

Lack of Effort to save game

 

 

 

 

 

£9.50

Matt

Wicket keeping avoidance

 

 

 

Failure to convert

 

 

 

Smug

 

 

 

Tittering

To himself

 

 

Failure to come out of slips

Blatant lazy tendencies

 

 

Bewilderment

He did come out of the slips

 

 

Stalking the Wicketkeeper

Jealousy

 

 

Excessive Defensiveness

 

 

 

Belt Abuse

 

 

 

Not knowing what's going on

 

 

 

Looking forward to crucifying skipper

See M. Reeves below

 

 

Believing club has limitless funds

 

 

 

Impersonating Dobner

Paddle sweep

 

 

Running a clear dot ball

It reached the boundary

 

 

Dissing fellow leggie

 

 

 

Making 2's into 1's

Appalling running between wickets

 

 

Exposing Dobner

To Pie

 

 

Playing for drinks

Blocking out 20th over

 

 

Copyright infringement

 

 

 

Continuing a collapse

The 2nd one

 

 

Not converting

 

 

 

Getting out on Nelson

111

 

 

 

 

£5.50

Mike R

Bowling Moo

He was shit

 

 

Bowling Spam

He was shit

 

 

Smug * 2

 

£0.50

 

Baggy Hat Smugness

 

 

 

Choking during fines

 

 

 

Delighting in Team Misery

Over the sizes of these fines (soon to change)

 

 

Delighting in Dan's misery

Batting at number 9

 

 

Praying * 2

 

£0.50

 

Making Matt field in the slips

 

 

 

Harbouring * 2

 

£0.50

 

Drumming fingers

Whilst getting “edgy”

 

 

Leading Shorten off a cliff

Whilst looking at a lighthouse

 

 

Premature Gavelling

 

 

 

Wasting fielders

 

 

 

Not utilising team assets

 

 

 

Bragging

 

 

 

Cob

At fines getting quite high

 

 

Failure to break Dobner

In the field

 

 

Ants in his pants

 

 

 

Annoying Dan * 8

Making him bat number 9

£2.00

 

Self-Entrapment

 

 

 

Dissing team * 10

 

£2.50

 

Running like a fat cunt * 2

 

£0.50

 

Being a fat cunt

 

 

 

Playing for drinks

Blocking out 20th over

 

 

Poor square leg umpire

 

 

 

Failure to achieve

 

 

 

Trying to get out

 

 

 

Using up team luck *10

 

£2.50

 

Impersonating Paddy

Fat cunt

 

 

Hitting out at child

Young Patsworth the bowler

 

 

Getting out on Nelson

111

 

 

Exposing Moo to Pie

 

 

 

Dissing Self

 

 

 

Instigating collapse

The 2nd one

 

 

Failing to set record

 

Putting himself at no. 6 As easiest Tour record to break (26*)

 

 

Lack of Communication * 10

 

£2.50

 

Fines avoidance * 2

Looking at lighthouse instead

£0.50

 

Bowling Moo from the wrong end

 

 

 

Food avoidance

Looking at lighthouse instead

 

 

 

 

£19.75

Moo

 

Instigating a collapse

 

Commenting on how well Paddy was batting (immediately out next ball)

 

 

Ice Cream Van Ringtone * 2

 

Since discovered this was actually an ice cream van (not his phone)

 

 

Dissing the Tail

“They’re shite”

 

 

Sight screen frame moving

Moving the frame for Batsmen (very silly)

 

 

Sight Screen Abuse

Asking batsman if he'd like it moved!!!

 

 

Creepy behaviour

 

 

 

Cob * 2

 

£0.50

 

Nervous Tension

When waiting to bat

 

 

Pre-empting Fines

 

 

 

Dissing Oppo * 11

 

£2.75

 

Impersonating Dobner

Paddle sweep

 

 

Denial * 2

 

£0.50

 

Lack of Effort

 

 

 

Impersonating Worzel

Scarecrow

 

 

Impersonating Adie Small

 

 

 

Impersonating Mr Man

 

 

 

Stealing Jake's Bed

 

 

 

Dissing Jake's Clothes

“They smell like he got them from a sewer”

 

 

Cob

 

£0.50

 

Impersonating Richie Benaud

 

Commentating on shower temperature "Cold water, Hot water, cold water, ah, ahahahaha!!"

 

 

Hysterical Cob * 2

 

£0.50

 

Harbouring

 

 

 

Streaking

Across the clubhouse in his Y-fronts

 

 

Flashing Pensioners

The little old lady who lived in a clubhouse

 

 

Bowling w/ sho

No idea what my notes say!!!

 

 

Dissing Mike * 3

 

£0.75

 

Yipping

Bowling a ball that bounced 4 times

 

 

Self-Entrapment

 

 

 

Taking Advice from Dog

In the field

 

 

Parkinson

Angry cob

£1.00

 

General Bestiality

 

 

 

Dogstraction

 

Playing with dog in the field of play (throwing water bottle only to be returned)

 

 

Talking through fines

 

 

 

 

 

£13.00

Stevie D

Fantasy Fixing

 

 

 

Bowler abuse

Attempting to kill oppo bowler

 

 

One shot pony

Paddle sweep

 

 

Using up team luck * 10

 

£2.50

 

Causing Chairman respiratory distress

 

 

 

Dissing Pie

 

 

 

Cob

 

 

 

Exposing captain to pie

Reeves hates facing pie

 

 

Whinging

 

 

 

Excessive Laziness

In field

 

 

Playing wrong line

 

 

 

Dissing self

 

 

 

Dissing Norfolk

 

 

 

Dissing Lego

 

 

 

Bullying small child

As he walked past in Man Utd kit

 

 

Comedy Fielding * 2

 

£0.50

 

Mistaking tree for the ball

 

 

 

Self-entrapment

 

 

 

Canoeing

Paddle sweep

 

 

Cob

 

 

 

Amnesia

 

 

 

Hypochondriac

 

 

 

Impersonating Brabant

Paddle sweep

 

 

Turning back on the game

 

 

 

Plant Pot abuse

At The Hill House Inn

 

 

Bringing Crap weather

 

A cloud appeared suddenly overhead as Steve parked at The Hill House Inn.

 

 

Abusing the "MAD" files

Throwing Matt’s labour of love on the floor

 

 

Creating Crop circles

 

 

 

Not seeing out Tour

“I can’t afford it” etc

 

 

Denial

 

 

 

Driving in Wife's office

 

 

 

Protecting Gary Littlechild from Spam

 

 

 

 

 

£10.50

Paddy

 

Admiring Dot balls

 

That get hit to the open boundary and stop short of the rope

 

 

Lack of running

see above

 

 

Instigating a collapse

1st one

 

 

Tarring others with own brush * 3

 

Accusing people of being lazy runners from the boundary

£0.75

 

Secretive

 

About sleep machine thingy……… Shhh

 

 

Unspecific

About somink'

 

 

Inducing fines

What a C**T!!

 

 

Yawning at Dan's batting * 2

 

£0.50

 

Dissing self

 

 

 

Being a cunt!!

 

 

 

Self-Entrapment

 

 

 

"Fucked if I know"

In response to most questions

 

 

Noting down fines instead of fielding

How do you think we got so many!!

 

 

Delay of game

As noting fines

 

 

Knowing the "Time Warp"

The song

 

 

Not actually being the "Time Warp" that was playing

 

 

 

Comedy Keeping

 

 

 

Annoying Mike

 

 

 

Destroying Spam's lack of confidence

With overtly shit keeping

 

 

Sledging Spam

Surely a refund!!

 

 

 

 

£5.75

Jake

Dissing Norfolk

 

 

 

Impersonating a naked Amish farmer

 

 

 

Impersonating Torville and Dean

A quite tremendous pirouette was performed

 

 

Impersonating Jesus

With his haircut (or lack of)

 

 

Running like Jesus

 

 

 

Abusing Oppo * 10

 

£2.50

 

Taking pleasure in abusing oppo

 

 

 

Living in a parallel dimension

 

 

 

Phoning team at 3am

Pissed out of his mind and talking bollocks

 

 

Dissing Hotel

See above

 

 

Self-Entrapment

 

 

 

Yawning at Dan's batting

 

 

 

Attempting to burn down Norfolk

Smoking in the dry wheat field

 

 

Smoking in the dry corn field

Idiot

 

 

Trying to injure Fines Chairman * 2

 

£0.50

 

Arguing * 6

 

£1.50

 

Smug

 

 

 

Showing off Botanical Knowledge

 

 

 

Flag confusion

 

 

 

Showering * 2

 

£0.50

 

Whores Bath

 

Showering turned out to be top and tails in the sink

 

 

Impersonating Timotei advert

Such Lustrous hair!

 

 

 

 

£9.50

Spam

Whinging about the weather

 

 

 

Dissing Bob

 

 

 

Dissing Oppo * 11 * 2

 

£5.50

 

Dissing Team * 10 * 4

 

£10.00

 

Abandoning scoring

To take photos of fields

 

 

Impersonating Dobner

Paddle sweep

 

 

Pen Confusion

Blue pen / black pen it's really not that hard!

 

 

Instigating a collapse

1st one - counting Paddy's score - next ball out!

 

 

Stripping

 

 

 

Dissing JMO * 2

“He’s a useless prick batting at number eleven!”

£0.50

 

Record Grabbing git

All tour records

 

 

Self-Entrapment * 2

 

£0.50

 

Inducing Fines

 

 

 

Cob

 

 

 

Acting like God

 

 

 

Racial Abuse of Norfolk folk

“They’re a backward bunch of clowns”

 

 

Drop

 

£0.50

 

Comedy Fielding * 2

 

 

 

Talking to bowlers

 

Immediately they start bowling the same shit spam bowled

 

 

Getting sledged by drinks carrier

 

“I’d have something stronger, mate – your day’s fucking shot already!”

 

 

Opening Bowler, no wicket

 

 

 

Fines Avoidance

Looking at lighthouse instead

 

 

Food avoidance

Looking at lighthouse instead

 

 

Arguing with the Fines Chairman

As per usual

 

 

Harbouring

Dark thoughts about Paddy

 

 

Ruining everyone’s Fantasy teams

By playing shit

 

 

Leaving Dan stranded

By batting shit at number eleven

 

 

Failure to get record

Batting at number eleven (19*)

 

 

Failure to bat out overs

See above

 

 

Boasting about strike rate

100!! But it was 3 off 3!!!!!!!!

 

 

Bowling Body line with off side field and short leg side boundary

 

 

 

Wheat Magnetism

The ball had it whenever spam bowled it!!!

 

 

Delusional

“I bowled okay”

 

 

Collapsing

Laughing at Stevie D’s fielding on the boundary

 

 

Not paying attention during fines

 

 

 

Cob

 

 

 

Cob Denial

 

 

 

Excessive happiness

 

 

 

Impersonating Abramovich

Running up his fines, because he's so rich!!!

 

 

Harbouring

 

 

 

 

 

£25.75

Dave S

Cob * 4

 

£1.00

 

Can't add up

 

 

 

Dissing family

All farm labourers

 

 

Batting out of character

Nervous nurdle crap

 

 

Dissing self

His batting

 

 

Needing a psychologist

Regarding his appalling batting form

 

 

Arguing with the Fines Chairman

 

 

 

Fines Avoidance

Looking at lighthouse instead

 

 

Food avoidance

Looking at lighthouse instead

 

 

Little Van envy

 

 

 

Penis Extension for van

Required

 

 

Puppy avoidance

 

 

 

Praying * 4

Kept bringing his hands together in praying shape

£1.00

 

Using a Ouija board * 2

 

£0.50

 

Atheism

 

 

 

Church avoidance

 

 

 

Passive aggression

Aimed at Fines Chairman

 

 

Not knowing relatives

 

 

 

Delirious * 2

 

£0.50