Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

“Match Fixing Allegations
Mar Otherwise Desultory Defeat against Some Children

 

 

Match:  11 / 247

Lost by 6 runs

 

 

Team

 

Total

Longparish CC

186 - 7

J. Pearson  2 - 16,  T. Smith  2 - 16

 

FFTMCC

180 - 9

J. Pearson  56,  D. Edwards  29

 

 

 

 

Following protracted investigations into match fixing during the FFTMCC’s now notorious game against Longparish CC in August earlier this year, acting judge Mr. Justice Bangemup has today exonerated the three main protagonists at the centre of the scandal – namely James Hoskins, Ian Leggate and Dave Emerson – citing a lack of concrete evidence. He did however point out that due to the publicity generated by the apparent furore, Sunday cricket in general has been besmirched for some years to come.

 

 

2011aug15a   2011aug15b   2011aug15c

 

Bringing the game into disrepute (L to R): I. Leggate, J. Hoskins and D. Emerson

 

 

In summation, the judge told the Oxford Magistrates Court: “Whenever people look back on a surprising event in a game or a surprising result, or whenever in the future there are surprising events or results, followers of the game who watched this contest will be left to wonder whether there has been fixing and whether what they have been watching is a genuine contest between bat and ball. It’s simply not cricket.”

 

The charges (amongst others) related to several incidents in the match on the 15th August; which either seemed highly unlikely or highly implausible:

 

1)       that a team of well-schooled adults could lose to a team whose average height was about that of a toddler

2)       that a child whose height measured less than a metre could somehow retire having completing a grandiose fifty (against said adults)

3)       that the match would predictably lead to a last ball scenario where this team of toddlers were victorious after the tourists failed to score the necessary runs despite having wickets intact

4)       that a player who had registered a 5-for in his career could somehow bowl a 12 ball over which went for 35 runs

5)       irregular betting on no-balls during the above over

6)       the apparent whispers of advice in Leggate’s ear during that over

7)       that a player who had decimated the components of a league team the day before with a brutal innings of 95 could somehow contrive to look utterly clueless in notching 2 (with the required run rate needing to be adhered to)

8)       more irregular betting on a player whispered to be a “walking wicket” and somehow obliging once more (with a golden)

9)       that we were led to believe an Italian wicketkeeper (S. Tognarelli) could somehow switch-hit a SIX off the FFTMCC’s regular opening bowler

 

 

2011aug15d

 

Exhibit 6i: Hoskins (foreground) being watched by Leggate making notes.

 

 

Hoskins, described as the “orchestrator” of the scams, was cleared of conspiracy to accept corrupt payments at the Swann Inn pub prior to the game, although Mr. Cutteslowe, acting solicitor for J. Hoskins, did accept that: “In the eyes of the public (the match) did not look very good. The regular skipper (M. Westmoreland) was indisposed, and that due to several unusual occurrences, having an acting skipper (J. Hoskins) who has a history of gambling behind him, did conspire to have the ECB look into matters.” James, in a later interview, was less contrite: “For fuck’s sake – all I said in the pub before the game was that it would be cool if we had another close finish – like we had in the previous two matches. Okay, so I regularly elope to Vegas to gamble away my life savings, but it does not make me a criminal – nor does it make me a bent captain who is going to facilitate the outcome of a match. Fucking investigative journalists are all bastards who need to be shot. The absurdity of these allegations is wholly fucked. Don’t print that last bit either – my mum reads these fucking reports!”

 

 

2011aug15e

 

Exhibit 6d (with audio): C. Roberts (right) heeding advice on “certain overs”

 

 

Mr. Leggate, described by the judge as “impressionable”, denied any wrongdoing throughout, and added there were many mitigating circumstances which brought the match to the attention of the authorities: “Look, I really didn’t want to bowl in the first place. I’m a batsman now, so god knows what the skipper was thinking. Besides, when I do bowl, I’m a leg spinner – and trying to grip the ball in a torrential downpour is just nigh on impossible. Things just spiralled out of control….” His barrister, Henry Kipinaskip, conceded that “Ian does live in a very surreal and imaginative world”, but that “he would never ever accept monies to derail the course of a match. A good spliff maybe, but certainly not hard currency.”

 

Mrs. Emerson, mother of the third accused player, Dave, tweeted that: “The whole sorry saga has had a depressingly negative affect on (her son). He would never entertain accepting a bribe to influence a result, it’s just not in his nature – he’s too much a hard-nosed Kiwi for that. All this parading of the team in the media has led (Dave) into an extended leave of absence from work (due to the stress). They were judged guilty before proven innocent. Shame on you England.”

 

 

2011aug15f

 

Feathering their own pockets? The FFTMCC.

 

 

Finalising this write up with details of the match seems largely an afterthought, but a game of cricket did take place, and so mention of it should at least be worthy of some note.

 

Acting skipper J. Hoskins won the toss (unsurprisingly) and immediately inserted the home team on a greenish pitch. The home team batsmen came and went, albeit not very often, and a diagram of their vertical characteristics as the innings progressed is here displayed….

 

 

 

 

Stand out contributions were opener B. Aldridge and infant B. Mead (both retired with 52 and 53 respectively). Deserved champagne moment came from number ten batsman S. Tognarelli (18*) as he switch-hit Mr. Emerson (5-3-22-2) into an adjacent farmer’s field piled high in a brown substance closely resembling much of the FFTMCC’s bowling.

 

Despite healthy contributions from The MAD top order (D. Edwards 29, I. Howarth 28, J. Pearson 56), The MAD reply somehow ran out of gas against a venerable primary school attack, leaving M. Reeves (20*) left with mission impossible in the fading light and cascading rain to save some sort of dignity for the tourists. Which he largely failed to do.

 

 

2011aug15g

 

Debate has raged whether Hoskins (left) colluded with his brother-in-law.

 

 

Countless conspiracies and internet chatter followed on from the game, as soon as the shifty FFTMCC team hauled their suspicious backsides onto a team bus and disappeared off into the Hampshire countryside.

 

Probably to collect their winnings….

 

 

‘News of the World’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Longparish CC

Played at Longparish, 15 August 2011

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field

Longparish CC won by 6 runs

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

11 / 247

 

 

 

 

 

35 over match

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Longparish CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

B. Aldridge

retired

52

 

8

1

-

2

W. Jackman

c Hotson b Roberts

4

 

1

-

1-30

3

D. Pomroy

c Emerson b Pearson

1

 

-

-

2-31

4

T. Giles

c and b Pearson

0

 

-

-

3-36

5

B. Mead

retired

53

 

9

-

-

6

T. Oram

c and b Emerson

17

 

2

-

5-156

7

H. Samways

b Smith

0

 

-

-

4-150

8

D. Bearpark

c Howarth b Smith

2

 

-

-

7-168

9

M. Taplin

b Emerson

9

 

2

-

6-166

10

S. Tognarelli

not out

18

 

1

2

-

11

J. Jackman *

not out

1

 

-

-

-

 

Extras

(NB10, W12, LB2, B5)

29

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 7 wickets, 35 overs)

186

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Roberts

4

0

15

1

 

2

Pearson

5

2

16

2

 

3

Timms

4

0

27

0

 

4

Leggate

3

0

62

0

 

5

Hoskins

5

1

10

0

 

6

Reeves

4

0

10

0

 

7

Emerson

5

3

22

2

 

8

Smith

4

1

16

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note:  T. Smith kept wicket for overs 1-17, J. Hotson thereafter for overs 18-35

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. M. Edwards

b Aldridge

29

(56)

5

-

2-86

2

I. Howarth

c J. Jackman b Bearpark

28

(28)

5

-

1-48

3

J. W. Pearson

b Pomroy

56

(69)

6

-

9-180

4

C. D. Roberts

b Aldridge

11

(19)

1

-

3-112

5

J. C. W. Hotson +

c and b Oram

4

(9)

-

-

4-120

6

D. Emerson

c Taplin b Mead

2

(5)

-

-

5-128

7

G. J. Timms

b Oram

0

(1)

-

-

6-129

8

I. C. Leggate

b Bearpark

5

(13)

-

-

7-140

9

T. P. W. Smith +

b Pomroy

1

(2)

-

-

8-145

10

M. K. Reeves

not out

20

(10)

3

-

-

11

J. D. Hoskins *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB2, W10, LB1, B11)

24

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 9 wickets, 35 overs)

180

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Taplin

4

2

13

0

 

2

Giles

4

0

20

0

 

3

W. Jackman

4

0

14

0

 

4

Bearpark

4

0

23

2

 

5

Samways

5

1

26

0

 

6

Aldridge

4

0

18

2

 

7

Mead

4

0

11

1

 

8

Oram

4

0

13

2

 

9

Pomory

2

0

20

2

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  J. W. Pearson

Champagne Moment:  J. W. Pearson’s caught and bowled

Buffet Award:  I. C. Leggate’s generous 35” pizza (with extra toppings)

 

 

Opposition:  V068 / 01

Ground:  G054 / 01

Captain:  C006 / 42