Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

“Did You Know?

 

 

Match:  11 / 246

Lost by 3 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

200 - 8

D. Emerson  95,  J. Hotson  24*

 

Wootton & Boars Hill CC

203 - 7

J. Hoskins  3 - 49

 

 

 

 

 

Q. Did you know that Sunday’s are generally regarded as being the least successful day of any sporting Tour?

 

 

Saturdays can be notoriously difficult to arrange a fixture on Tour, as most local teams thrown up on the internet are already committed to league or cup games. This has the unedifying effect of leaving the tourists to entertain themselves on the off day, which invariably leads to adults behaving like teenagers and drowning their livers in alcohol. This was true for the Far from the MCC on their Tour to Southsea, where time was divided equally between bars, pubs, kebab houses and a crazy golf course. What else is there to do by a seaside, huh? Read a fucking comic?

 

 

 

Edwards (putting) lit up the PGA Crazy Golf World in Southsea.

 

 

Q. Did you know the 2011 Tour to Southsea all came about because the team of Portchester CC visited Oxford the previous year?

 

 

Organising a Tour can present many unique problems for the incumbent Organiser. Where do you go? When do you go? Who do you play? Where do you stay? Deposits, transport, errant contacts, organising people’s lives – in fact the guy in charge does nothing short of wiping everyone’s arses whilst his/her own life goes into limbo. Unless you’re James Hoskins of course. J-MO came out with all manner of diluted excuses in the run up to announcing this year’s Tour, ranging from “all the hotels are booked – wherever I’ve tried to book”, “I’m too busy with work for this shit”, “my garden needs mowing”, “I don’t know of any coastal towns or villages”, “cricket is dead”, “I don’t know why I fucking agreed to this” etc etc etc. In truth, James does nothing for the club and never has, and as such took the easy route of contacting Portchester skipper, Paul Hungerford, and asked him to sort everything out because “we did (them) a favour by playing (them) on a Saturday last September”. Cringeworthy in the extreme. So thank you Paul, for bailing out our procrastinating, somnolent ex-captain.

 

 

2011Aug14e

 

James never does anything for the club.

 

 

Q. Did you know it was almost 3 years since Ian Howarth last skippered The MAD?

 

After soaking up the adulation and praise of a near match-winning knock on Friday, Howarth naturally decided the world was his oyster and confidently threw his hat in the ring for captaining the Sunday. That it was accepted was probably down to his team mates wondering how far he could fall rather than excitable memories from his previous regime….

 

Things got off to a flier for Ian after he quickly lost the toss and saw The MAD inserted on a lively Cams School pitch. His opposite number noting the ramshackle mood of reluctance among the Tourists as they juggled hangovers with failing body parts after two days on the lash.

 

 

Q. Did you know that The MAD had totalled a record of 63 ducks prior to this match during 2011?

 

 

2011aug14f

 

Ducksters T. Smith and J. Hoskins fast-tracked into openers.

 

 

Instructing Friday’s duckheads T. Smith (4) and J. Hoskins (2) to confront their demons and open the batting, Ian soon found the pair returning to relax against their kit bags and read the Sunday newspapers. Edwards (8) and Westmoreland (0) lasted a little longer, but not that long, with the latter’s latest failure coming off the back of a seminar from Howarth on how “(he) had a feeling that this was going to be (Martin’s) day.” It wasn’t, with Moo lasting a whole 2 balls. Reeves (12) and Dobner (17) arrested the decline before continuing it, with Steve reverting to type and dragging a ball a mile outside off stump and eventually onto his stumps.

 

 

 

S. Dobner analyses clouds whilst unfurling a stout forward defensive.

 

 

Q. Did you know that Dave Emerson originally came to club as a batsman (from the OU Offices)?

 

 

To say confidence in Mr. Emerson rescuing the situation was minimal, was perhaps a gross exaggeration – it was non-existent. Since leaping from the doomed OU Office frigate “The HMS Darley” several years ago, Dave’s batting career had misfired, stalled, developed an oil leak, had carburettor problems, before total engine failure had seen it consigned to the knackers yard. He’d shown glimpses of his talent in the shorter form of the game – the odd drunken slog here – but the real test of anyone’s mettle is the longer form of the game. Here, Mr. Emerson had performed like a Sinclair C5 with no battery.

 

 

 

Jake hosts a game of “Spot the Ball”.

 

 

Indeed, there was little indication that Dave may reverse his fortunes with the bat – his innings beginning with some decent hits over the bowlers head followed by regulatory swipes at thin air and the obligatory missed stumping. He survived; and he continued to chance his arm thereafter, watching as he did so, as Howarth (12) blew his chances at the other end by holing out at mid-off. So no Captain’s innings there then.

 

Tumultuous applause greeted a trademark blow down the ground to bring up Emerson’s maiden MAD fifty. He was congratulated by new partner, J. Hotson, who would then accompany Dave through the 50s, the 60s, the 70s, the 80s and… by golly, into the nervous 90s. Whispers of another Mad centurion in just a matter of days were rife. Alas, one swipe too many saw Dave caught on the boundary, and thus end a wonderful innings of 95 and MAD eighth wicket record of 81. The MAD eventually closed on 200-8 with I. Leggate (3*) escorting Hotson (24*) to a personal best.

 

 

Q. Did you know the previous high score for The MAD at #7 was only 54? And that that innings (Howarth at Timberscombe CC in 2005) was also notched on Tour?

 

 

 

D. Emerson (right) gets the monkey off his back.

 

 

Time for tea, with a generous spread tasting much better than it might have earlier. With reasonable grounds to hope for a first Tour victory, Mr. Emerson now regaled stories of how he used to score hundreds for fun (in his backyard in New Zealand).

 

Despite Howarth (4-0-24-0) bowling absolute shite on resumption, C. Roberts (4-0-26-1) did snare N. Keilly (6) with a rank full toss. Portchester wickets did fall at reasonably regular intervals thereafter, but the innings was glued together by their Skipper, P. Hungerford (75). An annoying leftie with a penchant for nursing the ball around and ruining the best laid fielding plans, he also flayed a generous helping of crap outside leg stump.

 

Emerson (5-2-9-1) soon found himself rushed from the dehydration tent for a bowl, as did Edwards (8-1-32-0), who staggered from boundary to boundary with his rheumatoid arthritis. Both were neat, but failed to shift the home side’s momentum. Westmoreland (1-0-12-0) completed a miserable Tour by pulling his hamstring [and collecting buffet], whilst veteran M. Reeves (8-1-25-0) wasn’t any more successful – although he did avoid injuring himself.

 

 

 

The pretty view of Cams Hill from near the clubhouse.

 

 

In the end it all came down to this: a certain amount of unknown runs off the final two overs that weren’t recorded in the scorebook. T. Smith (2-0-15-1) tried manfully to keep it tight, although a stray one disturbed some woodpeckers in the trees over square leg. Thorn’s over did at least allow J. Hoskins (7.5-0-49-3) the opportunity to bring the team home, and although he went through his repertoire of short pastry, C. Locke (35*) slapped the penultimate ball for four to dash Mad hopes.

 

An enjoyable game in summation – played in a most excellent spirit on a warm sunny day. We look forward to hosting these guys in Oxfordshire later in the year.

 

 

 

Not the best of starts, but The MAD did rally – to eventually lose.

 

 

Q. Did you know that this was the first instance of the Far from the MCC scoring 200 or more on first innings and losing a game?

 

 

‘Spam’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Portchester CC

Played at Cams Hill School (Portchester), 14 August 2011

 

Portchester CC won the toss and elected to field

Portchester CC won by 3 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

11 / 246

 

 

 

 

 

40 over match

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

T. P. W. Smith

b Robbins

4

(5)

1

-

1-4

2

J. D. Hoskins

b C. Restall

2

(10)

-

-

2-7

3

D. M. Edwards

b Kiely

8

(18)

2

-

4-21

4

M. T. Westmoreland

c Lock b C. Restall

0

(2)

-

-

3-7

5

M. K. Reeves

c Sole b O’Neill

12

(45)

2

-

6-70

6

S. L. P. Dobner +

b Kiely

17

(27)

3

-

5-53

7

D. Emerson

c O’Neill b Robbins

95

(77)

16

-

8-186

8

I. Howarth *

c Elston b Stainton

12

(9)

2

-

7-105

9

J. C. W. Hotson

not out

24

(47)

3

-

-

10

I. C. Leggate

not out

3

(3)

-

-

-

11

C. D. Roberts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB4, W9, LB2, B8)

23

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 8 wickets, 40 overs)

200

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Robbins

6

1

40

2

 

2

C. Restall

2

1

3

2

 

3

B. Restall

4

0

11

0

 

4

Kiely

6

1

23

2

 

5

O’Neill

6

1

31

1

 

6

Hungerford

5

1

24

0

 

7

Stainton

4

1

14

1

 

8

Lock

3

0

26

0

 

9

Elston

4

0

19

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Portchester CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

N. Kiely

lbw b Roberts

6

 

-

-

1-19

2

P. Hungerford

b Hoskins

75

 

12

-

5-149

3

S. Elston

b Emerson

7

 

-

-

2-63

4

B. Restall

run out (Howarth)

8

 

1

-

3-79

5

H. Robbins

lbw b Hoskins

21

 

2

-

4-126

6

H. Sole +

b Smith

21

 

-

-

7-192

7

L. Stainton

lbw b Hoskins

0

 

-

-

6-149

8

C. Locke

not out

35

 

1

1

-

9

C. Restall

not out

1

 

-

-

-

10

D. O’Neill

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB1, W14, LB7, B7)

29

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 7 wickets, 39.5 overs)

203

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Howarth

4

0

24

0

 

2

Roberts

4

0

26

1

 

3

Emerson

5

2

9

1

 

4

Edwards

8

1

32

0

 

5

Westmoreland

1

0

12

0

 

6

Reeves

8

1

25

0

 

7

Hoskins

7.5

0

49

3

 

8

Smith

2

0

15

1

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  D. Emerson

Champagne Moment:  I. Howarth’s direct run out

Buffet Award:  M. T. Westmoreland’s apple and custard pies (with value cream)

 

 

Opposition:  V062 / 02

Ground:  G053 / 01

Captain:  C007 / 43