Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

“Radio 5 Live Covers the Mad”

 

 

Match:  09 / 182

Won by 6 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

St. Clements Strollers

119 - 3

I. Howarth  1 - 4

 

FFTMCC

123 - 4

D. Shorten  41,  D. Edwards  35*

 

 

 

 

We now go over to the Radio 5 Live commentary team at Magdalen College for the much anticipated Twenty20 match between the St. Clements Strollers and the Far from the MCC….

 

Aggers: “Good evening to our listeners, and I’m happy to report the weather, albeit grey, is dry, so play should get underway as soon as the Strollers arrive.”

Boycott: “This is ludicrous! How can a host team not arrive at the ground on time?”

Aggers: “I believe there’s been a problem near Wallingford on the approach road – several of their team come from that direction.”

Boycott: “Nonsense. I woulda bloody walked rather than turn up late.”

 

 

 

“Thorn, you know my hero Boycott is here today, right?”

 

Arlo White: “I thought it most generous of the Mad skipper, Mr. Westmoreland to allow the Strollers the opportunity of batting first - especially after he won the toss. Very chivalrous of the chap.”

Boycott: “Bloody idiot! What’s the point in winning tha toss if you’re just gonna let the oppo do what the hell they like? The blokes a moron.”

 

Aggers: “JP Collins to open the bowling from the Mosque Road End, and it seems Collins’ line and length is to the particular liking of J. Higgs – he’s just been picked up and deposited against the sightscreen for a fine six.”

Boycott: “Opening bowler? Collins? My grandmother would score runs against ‘ee! Hell, she could use her walking stick to hit it.”

Arlo: “Shorten would appear to be much more disciplined from the Marston Road end. He seems to be enjoying some in-swing in these overcast conditions.”

Boycott: “Aye, shame that lump (Fisher) behind the wicket can’t bend his back and stop ‘em. This could be a right bloody ‘ammering with the rubbish Collins (4-0-35-0) is chuckin’ down. If he halved his run up it’d still be 50 yards too bloody long.”

 

 

 

“C’mon, everybody! Let’s dance like a twat!”

 

Arlo: “That’s a tight single that Nick Warry has called his partner for – this could be interesting with a direct hit!”

Aggers: “Superb! That’s a fine piece of fielding in the covers from Hoskins – Higgs (26) has gone.”

Boycott: “That were plain daft. Why on earth would you take a single like that when you’re travelling at over 8 an over? Absolutely senseless.”

Aggers: Ahh, the next man in, Lee Davie – he used to play for the Mad. A fine artist at the crease.”

Arlo: “Yes, Lee is a proper man’s cricketer with a sound technique.”

Aggers: “Oh, looks like he’s trying for a quick single to get off the mark… again, this could be rather tight!”

Arlo: “Splendid fielding at fine leg by Emerson, he’s hit the stumps direct – I believe Mr. Davie (0) maybe short of his ground….”

Boycott: “Dear, oh dear, oh dear. Where did Lee leave his brain this evening? My three legged dog could run faster than that. Pointless run out.”

Arlo: “Yes, the St. Clements Strollers are making rather hard work of this, they now find themselves at 39 for 2 in the 6th over.”

 

Aggers: “Mike Reeves (4-0-23-0) taking over at the Mosque Road End, and he’s bowling a tidy line and length from left arm over the wicket.”

Boycott: “Av’ seen more penetration in a nunnery, this guy wouldn’t have had my grandmother sweating if she were batting with a stick of broccoli.”

Arlo: “A double change with Dave Emerson (4-0-25-0) replacing Shorten. Dave’s languid approach to the crease a fine example to the younger generation.”

Boycott: “There’s nothing ‘appening out there. It’s easy. You could blindfold me and I’d get a fifty. Emerson? Should a’ stuck to making music – crap music n’ all.”

Arlo: Ohhh, and Warry has skied one to Hoskins in the covers! Simple catch this – straight to him.”

Aggers: “He’s dropped it! Hoskins has dropped it, and Warry gets another life.”

Boycott: “Awful. That Hoskins couldn’t catch a cold. What’s wrong with him? Dear, oh dear. I’d give the game up if I dropped catches like that. That were embarrassing that were.”

 

 

 

D. Shorten (41) has read Moo’s excellent “Guide to Cow Corner”.

 

Aggers: “Looks like Warry (36*) has retired hurt, he seemed to pull up taking a single in the previous over.”

Arlo: “Yes, unfortunate end that. The Strollers will hope young S. Warry can keep on pushing the score along as he was been.”

Aggers: “And another bowling change with Hoskins (3-1-14-0) replacing Emerson. It’ll be interesting to see if this pitch takes spin?”

Boycott: “Spin? That Hoskins couldn’t spin a coin on a table – he’s an up n’ down pie man. ‘Help yourself’ as they say.”

 

Aggers: “And after Shorten’s (4-0-14-0) final over at the Mosque Road End, it’s going to be Howarth (1-0-4-1) bowling the penultimate over to young Warry (43), who has impressed us all with his diligence and array of strokes.”

Arlo: “Yes, it’s been a lovely knock from the young chap – ooh, he’s bowled! He was trying to go down the track and Howarth has yorked him.”

Boycott: “19.3 overs for a decent yorker – rubbish. This lot need to get back in the nets and learn tha’ trade.”

Arlo: “And so St. Clements have posted 119-3 after their 20 overs, a somewhat disappointing total given their start.”

Aggers: “Yes, I thought the Far From The MCC pulled this game back very well towards the end. In particular, I wonder how important that run out of Higgs may prove to be?

Boycott: “7 wickets left in the bank? Playing for the bloody averages that lot. Aye – Higgs’ run out was pathetic – he should be ashamed of himself.”

 

 

 

A fine unbroken stand of 80 for D. Shorten (left) and D. Edwards.

 

Aggers: “And so we have a quick turnaround here, what with the light becoming more of a concern; and the Mad require the sum total of 120 runs for victory in this their first encounter against the St. Clements Strollers.”

Arlo: “Yes, an interesting total to chase, Aggers – largely dependent on the quality of the St. Clements’ bowlers. It looks like we have Edwards and Shorten opening the batting.”

Boycott: “I like Edwards. Man after my own heart. None of this wishy-washy rubbish you see in limited overs cricket these days, just a nice solid defensive technique and true grit.”

Aggers: “Hmm, but his game may not exactly be suited to this form of the game?”

Boycott: “Nonsense. That’s exactly why you have a slogger like Shorten at the other end. He can pinch-hit to his heart’s content, whilst my man Edwards plays some proper sensible cricket.”

 

Aggers: “The visiting team have got off to an excellent start here. Edwards is pushing the ball around for singles here and there, whilst Shorten is opening his shoulders.”

Arlo: “Fine shot! Shorten has picked one up off his leg stump and pulled it into the tennis courts for a maximum.”

Boycott: That were a slog. He’ll take the plaudits, but it’s Edwards’ clever rotation of the strike which has had the bowler lose his line and length.”

Aggers: “The Mad have now passed 50 and the runs are coming at quite a pace.”

Boycott: “This isn’t proper bowling! You could hand the greengrocer a melon and have him cause more problems than there is out there.”

Arlo: “Ooh, it looks like Mr. Edwards (34*) has retired (hurt) with the score on 80. I say, a very generous decision in light of the home side’s principle of no retirees.”

Boycott: “Excellent innings. I’m only sorry I’m going to have to watch a procession of sloggers bring them home now….”

 

 

 

The case of the mysterious levitating ball.

 

Aggers: “And he’s gone! Thornton Smith (2) bowled whilst having a go.”

Boycott: “Awful. That were just a wild swipe. I’ve seen more technique in a cripple falling out a wheelchair.”

Arlo: “And another one, Aggers! Reeves (0) has spooned his first ball into the covers, and there maybe a little wobble here?”

Aggers: “Quite, Arlo. And there’s another! Shorten’s (41) fine innings comes to an end after a shot too many. Bowled, and very much game on.”

Boycott: “There were 50 for the taking there. Batsmen of today just don’t value their wickets. Not like my man Edwards.”

Aggers: “And the light really is getting quite bad here. New batsman Martin Westmoreland has played and missed quite a few times out there.”

Arlo: “Yes, Aggers – a good job that stalwart Adie Fisher is keeping the scoreboard ticking over with some lusty blows.”

Aggers: “Oh, there’s a mix up… and Fisher (14) has gone! Ran out by a direct hit. Well, a trifle unlucky I thought.”

Boycott: “Unlucky? If he took his hand-brake off he coulda made 3 out of that. Dreadful piece of running.”

 

 

 

Mosque? What mosque?

 

Aggers: “The light really is very bad now, and I can’t quite see who is actually playing out there anymore…?”

Arlo: “I believe James Hoskins has scored a run. He’s obviously struggling to see the ball too.”

Aggers: “Some lovely shots there from the skipper – the scores are level!”

Boycott: “Lovely? He tried some orthodox shots and failed. So he’s had a moo and lucky for him they’ve come off.”

Aggers: “And that’s it! Westmoreland (21*) hits the winning runs, and The Mad have won by 6 wickets.”

Arlo: “Yes, an excellent win for them – and it maintains their unbeaten run in July.”

Boycott: “Not bad. Although my interest dipped after Edwards retired. I’m off for a beer wiim now. See ya later.”

 

 

‘Radio 5 Live’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus St. Clements Strollers

Played at Magdalen College, 28 July 2009

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field

Far from the MCC won by 6 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

09 / 182

 

 

 

 

 

20 over match

 

 

 

Team

St. Clements Strollers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

J. Higgs

run out (Hoskins)

26

 

 

 

1-38

2

N. Warry

retired

36

 

 

 

-

3

L. Davie

run out (Emerson)

0

 

 

 

2-39

4

S. Warry *

b Howarth

43

 

 

 

3-118

5

H. Carter

not out

4

 

 

 

-

6

S. Carter

not out

0

 

 

 

-

7

B. Phillips

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

M. Warry

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

R. Webb

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

P. Brennan

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB2, W2, LB1, B5)

10

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 3 wickets, 20 overs)

119

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Collins

4

0

35

0

 

2

Shorten

4

0

14

0

 

3

Emerson

4

0

25

0

 

4

Reeves

4

0

23

0

 

5

Hoskins

3

1

14

0

 

6

Howarth

1

0

4

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. M. Edwards

retired

34

(38)

2

-

-

2

D. Shorten

b N. Warry

41

(36)

6

1

2-83

3

T. P. W. Smith

b M. Warry

2

(2)

-

-

1-82

4

M. K. Reeves

c b M. Warry

0

(1)

-

-

3-87

5

A. J. Fisher +

run out

14

(12)

2

-

4-106

6

M. T. Westmoreland *

not out

21

(21)

3

-

-

7

J. D. Hoskins

not out

2

(6)

-

-

-

8

D. Emerson

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

J. P. Collins

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

I. Howarth

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

M. D. Clarke

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(W2, LB5, B2)

9

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 4 wickets, 19.2 overs)

123

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Webb

2

0

16

0

 

2

S. Warry

4

0

13

0

 

3

Brennan

4

0

36

0

 

4

N. Warry

4

1

22

1

 

5

M. Warry

5

0

25

2

 

6

Higgs

0.2

0

4

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note:  D. Edwards retired with the score on 80-0.

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  D. Shorten

Champagne Moment:  J. Hoskins’ run out of J. Higgs

Buffet Award:  JP Collins’ Aussie canapés (with soya sauce)

 

 

Opposition:  V052 / 01

Ground:  G043 / 01

Captain:  C011 / 15