Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

“The King is Dead, Long Live the King

 

 

Match:  13 / 167

Lost by 43 runs

 

 

Team

 

Total

Wootton & Boars Hill CC

161 – 6

S. Dobner  2 - 31

 

FFTMCC

118

S. Dobner  37,  I. Howarth  36

 

 

 

 

After an autumn of malcontent, followed by a winter of politics and infighting, the disparate tribes of The Mad assembled at The Oak pub on the Woodstock Road. It was time to draw a line in the sand and decide on how they wanted their future mapped out. It was unanimously decided that their current leader should be removed from office and his burnt and blooded corpse cast onto the streets. Northerner Ian Howarth had been sworn in some three years ago, his robust and militant ways immediately finding favour, but as time passed by and brash early successes were replaced by hollow feuding defeats, The MAD became weary of being belittled and shouted at. These sermons of hatred now fell on deaf ears and they yearned once again to feel the love….

 

 

http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/i/MSNBC/Components/Photo/_new/pb-110403-afg-da-02.jpg

 

I. Howarth’s dictatorship came to a bloody end in the fall of 2008….

 

Time under Howarth’s tenure had left its scars however, and although the men wanted change, they would want a gradual change, one likened to slowly releasing a caged animal back into the wild. Despite already being laboured with the finances of the club, Martin Westmoreland was deemed a perfect replacement. He eschewed his own brand of northern intent, but one with a patient smile, an attribute realised by bringing up two tiny boys and dealing with the daily grind of a corrupt telecommunications giant (unnamed). Martin was also likeable and very well acquainted with the team, making him an ideal choice for dealing with the insecurities and paranoia within the ranks. Moreover, he was acutely aware of the history of the club, of where it started and what it was and what it should be.

 

And so it was, the Moo Man was voted into office, and Howarth’s corpse was feasted on by the bloated rats and zealous crows of Woodstock Road. All was happy in the Land of The Mad.

 

 

 

A new era, a new King.

 

In the days leading up to the opening game of the season, the sun had shone brightly over Oxfordshire, with smiles returning to the winter beaten populace. So it was with some alarm and pessimism that greeted forecasts of possible change. After two years of blanket grey skies and persistent rains, no wonder The Club’s legendary Aussie Ant Mann had buggered off whence he came. It takes its toll after a while, looking out each day through rain splattered windows and wondering what crap is on TV…. Jesus, we live in this darkened abyss for eight months of the fucking year, so surely a few months of sun in summer is not too much to ask?

 

Maybe it’s the luck of The Moo? Because when Sunday did eventually come to be, the sun did shine bright, and the BBC doom mongers that masquerade as weather forecasters were shot in their beds.

 

 

 

A traditional Mad pre-match warm up.

 

It was a fresh look to the Far from the Marlborough Offices that assembled at the Bystander Pub. More of the guys were now dads, more of them were now married and more looked older with less hair. There was also a far greater percentage now that been stolen from teams gone and since forgotten. They still drank the same amount, and they still took the piss at every opportunity, but it did seem slightly different. Or maybe it was just like the start of every other bloody year, but this particular writer just can’t quite remember….

 

 

2009Apr26b

 

Antony G. Mann – he didn’t open the bowling on Sunday.

 

On arrival at the picturesque Wootton & Boars Hill ground, things did seem much more familiar. Martin quickly lost the toss, and was even quicker in apportioning blame on his 2yr old son. More familiarity followed with The MAD’s opening salvo being thrown by another ambling 6ft Aussie, the equally genial JP Collins. Together with the accurate swing of D. Shorten (5-2-8-0), the Wootton batsmen were kept in check. It would take an inspired spell of artful pie to make the initial breakthrough however, James Hoskins (8-1-20-1) enticing opener T. Fisher (22) into spiralling one to deep cow. Collins (8-0-34-1) would wait until his final delivery before reaping his rewards, finally knocking back the timber of A. Cornish (19) to have the opposition 60-2.

 

In front of an expectant Mad, their new pin-up finally loped in from the far end. Off an elongated run, Debutant Dave (8-2-30-1) impressed all with a fine line on off-stump to complement his equally assured alcoholic glow. Mr Emerson’s maiden scalp came coming courtesy of D. Edwards’ amazing reflexes at slip. Where else would Dan be to be fair? Certainly not robotically haring after a ball with his hands glued inside his pockets.

 

The Wootton team would eventually realise 161-6 off their 40 overs, their progress thwarted in the latter overs by some accurate bowling from ex pin-up A. Darley (4-0-17-1) and some head-high beamers from Tottenham football thug, S. Dobner (7-1-32-2). A good day in the field then and certainly not an unmanageable total to chase.

 

 

 

Fluffy dogs immediately picked up the scent of bunny, A. Darley.

 

Numbers on the boundary were swelled during the tea interval by the appearance of various wives and girlfriends, children and babies, non-playing players, dogs, bemused passers-by, and a few local chavs hoping to make use of the subsidised bar (fridge). The Wootton banquet was good on the whole and very well received, and due to the winter disappearance of Ade Small, nearly everybody got something to eat, including Mr T. P. W. Smith, who was not at all pissed off by his omission from the team due to his e-mail playing up when replying “available”.

 

In your first day in office, it is also de rigueur for the new MAD Skipper to bat like an utter cock. I hereby list the statistics as provided by our very own dear Statto:

 

Captain

 

Score (on debut)

Ed Lester

7

Leo Phillips

0

Matt Bullock

2

James Hoskins

10*

Ian Howarth

6

 

 

…and the portents weren’t good with Martin’s two previous visits to this ground realising two golden ducks, bowled on both occasions. This time however, things were very different, with Moo edging his first ball past his stumps, slicing the next for a couple through the slips, and then neatly leaving a straight one to be castled for 2. Job done, monkey off his back, and a fine impetus set for The Mad reply.

 

The good work continued with Edwards pouched for 1, Darley pouched for 4 off a full toss, and a dancing Ian Leggate bowled still searching for his first run for the club. 16-4 and the potential there for the cricketing equivalent of finding a freshly laid dog turd on your lounge carpet.

 

 

 

Daisy looks at Miniature Dad (Dan) taking guard.

 

Thankfully, this day didn’t join The MAD catalogue of infamous collapses, with the vilified Howarth found a willing accomplice in Tesco shelf-filler, Steve Dobner. With a mixture of good old-fashioned blocking permeated with a cut and the odd slog here and there, the FFTMCC recovered to 70-4, and thus it seemed the match was back in the balance. That was until Howarth (36) tried to deposit his fixture secretary counterpart, Dave Parker, out of the ground, and failed.

 

Our Essex hero now forged a partnership with languid builder, Dave Shorten (14), the latter showcasing real promise before Steve decided to run him out. After that, the fragile pieces gluing MAD bandwagon started to vibrate and haemorrhage all around. James Hoskins’ (10) brief cameo ended after he failed to learn from his previous delivery, Matt Bullock (1) perished doing something nobody couldn’t really fathom, and Stevie D’s (37) long vigil was ended trying hoik A. Fisher (3.2-0-12-2) into the potato field.

 

 

 

The “blame game” always starts with a glance at the scorebook….

 

It was all left to antipodeans Collins and Emerson to salvage the day, however JP (0*) never got the chance to prove his worth, as his dancing partner pirouetted down the wicket first ball to register a golden. 118 all out.

 

So where did the blame lie for this inaugural defeat under Westmoreland’s reign? Certainly not the team, absolutely not, I’m afraid fingers were pointed immediately in the direction of young 2yr old Daniel Westmoreland. It was his call of the toss, it was his fault we fielded first and it was quite obviously his fault we batted like a bunch of pricks. Shame on him.

 

Gentleman, we are all exonerated for this defeat.

 

 

 

“Daniel, the boys aren’t happy with you!”

 

 

‘Spam’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Wootton & Boars Hill CC

Played at Wootton & Boars Hill, 26 April 2009

 

Wootton & Boars Hill CC won the toss and elected to bat

Wootton & Boars Hill CC won by 43 runs

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  Dave Emerson (105)

 

 

09 / 167

 

 

 

 

 

40 over match

 

 

 

Team

Wootton & Boars Hill CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

A. Cornish

b Collins

19

 

 

 

1-48

2

T. Fisher

c Howarth b Hoskins

22

 

 

 

2-60

3

D. Abbott

c Emerson b Dobner

12

 

 

 

3-82

4

J. Fisher *

c Edwards b Emerson

18

 

 

 

4-96

5

D. Spilsbury

b Dobner

9

 

 

 

5-113

6

A. Fisher

not out

31

 

 

 

-

7

D. Godfrey

b Darley

5

 

 

 

6-127

8

D. Parker

not out

8

 

 

 

-

9

J. Rogers +

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

M. Bell

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

J. Werrell

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB10, W14, LB1, B12)

37

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 6 wickets, 40 overs)

161

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Shorten

5

2

8

0

 

2

Collins

8

0

34

1

 

3

Hoskins

8

1

20

1

 

4

Emerson

8

2

30

1

 

5

Dobner

7

1

31

2

 

6

Darley

4

0

17

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. M. Edwards

c Godfrey b Spilsbury

1

(13)

-

-

2-4

2

M. T. Westmoreland *

b Spilsbury

2

(3)

-

-

1-3

3

I. Howarth

b Parker

36

(44)

8

-

5-70

4

A. Darley

c Abbott b Spilsbury

4

(5)

-

-

3-12

5

I. C. Leggate

b Spilsbury

0

(3)

-

-

4-16

6

S. L. Dobner

b A. Fisher

37

(95)

4

-

9-118

7

D. Shorten

run out

14

(23)

2

-

6-98

8

J. D. Hoskins

b Cornish

10

(12)

2

-

7-110

9

M. Bullock +

b Bell

1

(7)

-

-

8-118

10

J. P. Collins

not out

0

(1)

-

-

-

11

D. Emerson

b A. Fisher

0

(1)

-

-

10-118

 

Extras

(NB1, W3, LB3, B6)

13

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 34.2 overs)

118

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Spilsbury

4

0

8

4

 

2

Abbott

6

1

19

0

 

3

J. Fisher

4

1

7

0

 

4

Godfrey

5

0

21

0

 

5

Parker

6

2

18

1

 

6

Cornish

5

1

21

1

 

7

A. Fisher

3.2

0

12

2

 

8

Bell

1

0

3

1

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  S. L. Dobner

Champagne Moment:  D. M. Edwards’ reactionary catch at slip

Buffet Award:  S. L. Dobner’s Essex hot-pot (with onion rings and salad sides)

 

 

Opposition:  V039 / 04

Ground:  G017 / 04

Captain:  C011 / 03

 

 

 

 

 

Match Fines