Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

“Hanney Bored into Submission as Geoff Drops Anchor”

 

 

Match:  08 / 151

Won by 8 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

Hanney CC

112

I. Howarth  4 - 16,  M. Reeves  2 - 10

 

FFTMCC

113 - 2

D. Edwards  27,  G. Carter  26*

 

 

 

 

The cricket season is supposed to usher in the start of the English summer, yet Sunday gone felt like it was ushering in another winter. Played out under ashen skies with temperatures barely hovering above zero, a vicious wind-chill cut through to your bones whilst the odd squally shower removed any desire to play. Most of the guys were hidden under a plethora of shirts, jumpers and fleeces – and those who weren’t, simply froze into blocks of ice in the outfield, before being slid to the local pub to thaw out by a log fire in the bar.

 

 

 

Anorexic Ian Botham really did feel the cold.

 

Preparations for the first match of the season were hampered by a fair portion of Team Mad getting carted whilst helping the Skipper stag around the centre of Oxford the evening before. The results of which were an increasingly busy toilet facility on the day, and club all-rounder, Mr. D. M. Edwards, marooned in Cowley after his lift [skipper] failed to show. Other setbacks included Mr. Westmoreland pulling out due to work commitments [yips], and swing bowling supremo, A. G. Mann, suffering a fatal knee injury whilst plugging in his Xbox 360. The fact that Mr. G. Carter arrived on time without his bike, truck, car, or helicopter being stolen was nothing short of remarkable….

 

These holes in the team would normally have been easy to fill, however D. Shorten is banned from any sort of life until he completes his wife’s house, S. Dobner awaits the end of Kim’s three year pregnancy, G. Littlechild was gallivanting around Mexico, Lord Lucan had vanished once again, and Mr. A. J. Fisher just couldn’t give a fuck this early in the season. Oh, and not forgetting Mr. S. B. Parkinson, who despite preferring the charms of a corporate works function – still had the audacity to phone the skipper for money and help when he ran out of petrol on the M40….

 

 

 

A. Mann did not make the team photo.

 

Standing in the centre of an expansive and soulless Hanney pitch, the respective captains soon discovered neither of them had remembered a coin to toss. Thinking on his feet, Mad Skipper I. Howarth was quick to point out to his Hanney CC counterpart, Mr. R. Green, that The Mad were rather light in the batting department, and so in the interest of a decent game of cricket, would be more than happy to field first. Obligingly, Richard rather generously accepted the invitation.

 

It took all of one over for the vagaries of the undulating track to be unleashed on the Hanney batsmen. Young D. Hilliam swerved out the way of a M. Reeves bouncer off a length, before deciding a cultured moo was the best way to counter punch. It wasn’t and he left for a duck. N. Hebbes (8-3-6-0) was nigh on unplayable, and when he made way for A. Small (4-2-8-1), the run-rate had slowed to a stop. It didn’t take long for one of Adie’s famed celebrations either, removing the obdurate A. Rothwell for 3.

 

 

 

Hanney CC promote inspecting your arse and cigarette abuse.

 

With a pitch now offering prodigious lateral movement to accompany the ones that removed your head, The Mad now turned to their illustrious pie-men. Shorn of the talents of professional baker A. Fisher, late arrival D. Edwards (7-2-25-1) was immediately up to task, doing for Hanney skipper R. Green (11), with one that zipped from leg to off. J. Hoskins (6-0-35-1) is sometimes irked when bracketed with the baking department, and as a result varies his pace to try and lose the tag, but it was one of his succulent cream doughnuts that did for the dangerous M. Pearce (20) – the batsman completely sold on the sugary topping applied by James.

 

Guided by the talented J. Hilliam (46), Hanney nonetheless made 98-4, before the youngster was smartly caught and bowled by I. Howarth. This seemed to unsettle the home side, and moments later the skipper combined with glovesman, M. Bullock, to run out K. Jones for 12. With the underbelly of the opposition now fully exposed, Howarth (8-1-16-4) resisted the temptation for change, and duly pocketed the best bowling figures for himself – taking out bunnies N. Smith (1), A. Necchigiri (3) and S. Harrison for 3. The innings was finally skewered by a returning M. Reeves (6.2-2-10-2), castling D. Jones with one that nipped back half a kilometre. Hanney all out for a disappointing 112.

 

A. G. Mann did not bowl.

 

 

 

 

Lunch was divided onto three tables during the interval – one for Hanney, one for the Far from the MCC, and one for Adie Small. Adie was naturally first out the blocks and slid an entire plate of cheese sandwiches down his neck before anyone else had budged. A bowl of crisps was soon followed by an ample wedge of fruit cake, with Mr. Small completing his “light snack” by washing things down with six litres of tea. It was during this demonstration of “professional gorging” that both J. Hotson and I. Howarth declared themselves “unfit to bat”. Jake was suffering from an apparent abdominal injury, whilst Howarth was finally spent after the previous evening’s extended pub cruise and earlier bowl at the Hanney cottontail rabbits.

 

After hastily rearranging the batting order, Mr. Edwards strode out to the middle with the oft maligned G. Carter. Whilst Dan’s stout defence and occupancy of the crease were taken for granted, Geoff’s credentials were less assured – especially after he ended the previous season by claiming pole position for the AGM’s Duck Award [most thereof]. But today would throw up unlikely heroes with both bat and ball, and as the overs ticked by The Mad progressed to 53-0 before Edwards gloved a riser from J. Hilliam (8-0-21-1) – departing for 27.

 

 

 

Edwards (batting) slices through the slips.

 

Carter would next be joined at the podium by J. Hoskins, whose ascension up the batting order was a result of J. Hotson’s stomach unrest. Brandishing a gleaming new pair of gloves, JMO mixed concrete footwork with an exceptionally eye – helping galvanise the innings before any [more] spectators drifted off to sleep. The occasional smear by Hoskins was complemented by a block, prod, and a nudge from Geoff. It was just a shame when’s Hoskins’ (23) wicket fell on 99 [funny that, James? – huh? Haha] as he looked set to see the job through. James’ loss was a grumbling and shivering Mr. Smith’s [7*] gain, as The Mad eased to an 8 wicket win.

 

 

 

T. Smith (right) leads the players off after The Mad victory.

 

So there it was, Geoff Carter (26*) becoming the unlikely recipient of the Man of the Match award, with his impregnable batting breaking Hanney hearts [and anyone watching for that matter]. He was subsequently caned at the Fines Committee for slow-scoring, but not before the Black Horse pub had provided Adie Small with 3 bowls of garlic rolls and 6 plates of chips to once again demonstrate his phenomenal gluttony.

 

A. G. Mann did not bat.

 

 

‘Spam’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Hanney CC

Played at Hanney, 20 April 2008

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field

Far from the MCC won by 8 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

08 / 151

 

 

 

 

 

40 over match

 

 

 

Team

Hanney CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

J. Hilliam

c & b Howarth

46

 

 

 

5-98

2

D. Hilliam

b Reeves

0

 

 

 

1-1

3

A. Rothwell

b Small

3

 

 

 

2-13

4

R. Green

c Reeves b Edwards

11

 

 

 

3-35

5

M. Pierce

b Hoskins

20

 

 

 

4-68

6

K. Jones

run out (Howarth/Bullock)

12

 

 

 

6-99

7

N. Smith

lbw b Howarth

1

 

 

 

8-110

8

A. Necchigiri

b Howarth

5

 

 

 

7-104

9

S. Harrison

c Reeves b Howarth

3

 

 

 

9-111

10

D. Jones

b Reeves

0

 

 

 

10-112

11

P. Austin

not out

0

 

 

 

-

 

Extras

(NB2, W3, LB5, B1)

11

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 39.2 overs)

112

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Reeves

6.2

2

10

2

 

2

Hebbes

8

3

6

0

 

3

Small

4

2

8

1

 

4

Edwards

7

2

25

1

 

5

Hoskins

6

0

35

1

 

6

Howarth

8

1

16

4

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. M. Edwards

c D. Hilliam b J. Hilliam

27

(61)

3

-

1-53

2

G. Carter

not out

26

(105)

-

-

-

3

J. D. Hoskins

b Harrison

23

(44)

2

-

2-99

4

T. P. W. Smith

not out

7

(8)

1

-

-

5

N. J. Hebbes

 

 

 

 

 

 

6

M. K. Reeves

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

I. Howarth *

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

J. Hotson

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

M. Bullock +

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

A. Small

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

M. T. Westmoreland

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB2, W7, LB3, B18)

30

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 2 wickets, 36 overs)

113

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

D. Hilliam

5

2

3

0

 

2

Green

6

3

4

0

 

3

Hecchigiri

4

1

18

0

 

4

J. Hilliam

8

0

21

1

 

5

D. Jones

7

2

17

0

 

6

Harrison

4

0

17

1

 

7

K. Jones

2

0

13

0

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  G. Carter

Champagne Moment:  J. Hoskins and T. Smith’s collision in the field (going for catch)

Buffet Award:  J. Hoskins’ caramel tarts

                           

 

Opposition:  V041 / 04

Ground:  G030 / 03

Captain:  C007 / 33

 

 

 

 

 

Match Fines