Far from the MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

Saffer Speedster and an 11yr Old
Scupper Hotson’s Dreams of Grandeur”

 

 

Match:  07 / 147

Lost by 30 runs

 

 

Team

 

Total

Worthing Chippingdale CC

136

A. Mann  2 - 5,  M. Reeves  2 - 14

 

FFTMCC

106 - 9

I. Howarth  28,  N. Hebbes  22

 

 

 

 

 

Mr. Smith and Mr. Howarth sat on the Eastbourne seafront and gazed out to the grey and wet skies that hung over the smudged horizon; a bottle of Lucozade and a can of coke clasped to their mouths, as they strived manfully to shift a morning hangover. Best of luck with that then.

 

 

2007aug20a

 

A nondescript view of the Eastbourne seafront.

 

“Hey, here comes ole Big head” prompted Smith, as a shuffling figure in three-quarters and flip-flops came into view from behind a copse of trees. “Morning guys” said Reeves, as he sat on the stone beach wall. “I’m confused. I think I’ve drank far too much this weekend.” “Ha ha” giggled Howarth sarcastically, “you must have really enjoyed your first Mad Tour?” Countered Mike “Yeah, it’s been really special…. Not playing on Friday after being picked and then dropped after you two guys fucked the draw up; having no cricket on Saturday and drinking all day. Having the game rained off yesterday so I was reduced to hitting a tennis ball in a park, and then being chased about with a kid with a water pistol, and today… jesus, I really can’t be arsed.” Smith and Howarth nodded sympathetically as Reeves continued “but even playing no cricket and coming down here to rot my brain cells all weekend, has to be better than sitting on a muddy carpet in my home in Botley, and staring at the brick walls surrounding me where the water levels reached…. Shit, did I tell you about my car breaking down in Australia – right out in the wilderness? And my luggage being lost at the airport?”

 

 

2007aug20b

 

“Ha ha. Us – opening? Ha ha. Jake’s a twat, isn’t he?”

 

After a thoroughly disorganised journey through jams and packed A-roads, a convoy of Mad cars eventually arrived at Worthing’s homage to the Cowley Marshes in Oxford. A vast green windswept stretch of council land circled by a high concrete wall – hardly the quaint surrounds one had gotten accustomed to on bygone Somerset tours. “Shame it hasn’t got a Terror.ism mural painted on it,” noted A. Mann, as he raised an eyebrow towards the concrete. “And look at those fucking big crappy clouds over there – we’re gonna get soaked today. More fucking rain. Sheesh, I dunno if I can be bothered… and I’m hungry.”

 

After allegedly winning the toss, Skipper for the day, J. Hotson, invited Worthing Chippingdale CC to have first dibs on a track which wouldn’t have looked out of place at Cholsey [read shit]. Citing yips* as the reason for not wanting to bowl, and instead demanding the keepers gloves, it took I. Howarth all of one ball before he grassed a low chance off the hostile J. Hoskins (3-0-8-0) and became the proud bearer of the pink PVC tour hat**. M. Westmoreland also cited the yips, but the skipper refused to listen to his bleating, and instead watched him carted to all parts of the south coast on his way to scooping figures of 3-0-36-1 [read shit]. A. Mann (5-2-5-2) didn’t have the yips, and the values of bowling a line and length on a more than helpful pitch accounted for his wickets and miserly economy [M. Bullock with a champagne catch at slip].

 

N. Hebbes (5-0-23-1) and M. Reeves (4-1-14-2) slowed the opponents innings, and only Worthing batsman, A. Baumann (54*), would ever look like he was at ease with the turd of a pitch. It all left a variety of sausage rolls and egg-flan from T. Smith (7-0-48-2) and M. Bullock (1.3-0-2-1) to curtail the home team’s innings and dismiss them for a moderate 136 in 28.3 overs.

 

 

2007aug20c

 

The Mad would make a great start to their run chase….

 

It has to be said that the standard of cricket teas on Tour was excellent, and Worthing Chippingdale did us proud, with a selection of buffet that put even The Mad’s bowling to shame. Scones and cream, Kippling cakes, savoury side dishes, a fair cargo-hold of meat and vegetarian sandwiches…. It put Pembroke Kev’s spreads to shame.

 

When it came to sorting out the batting order, Mr. Hotson was confronted with a wave of lethargy in Mad ranks. Said Bullock “hmm, I’m not sure about opening, I’m the Chairman you know – I have other responsibilities and I need to concentrate my mind.” Martin and Ian chipped in that they were “happy for other players who hadn’t seen much action to get a turn”, and were “not overly bothered.” In fact, they instead argued over who got to bat last and prop a plastic chair up on the boundary. In the end, Jake ruled on a reversed batting order [of sorts], with various bowlers being divided into various batting pools, and the pools being divided into smaller pools that were not divisible by the number 15.

 

 

2007aug20d

 

Mike (with bat) takes guard 5 feet outside leg stump.

 

What nobody from the Far from the MCC knew at the time was just how quick the 16yr old South African opening bowler was who fronted the Worthing attack. In short – he was very quick! Real fucking quick. Quick enough to have had a trial for Sussex, and had Chris Adams beam about wanting him back in two years’ time [after he had matured in size]. So what exactly he was doing playing a friendly against a team of touring pissheads is anyone’s guess? Safe to say, that young Mr. Strackher [remember that name], may well have a future in the higher echelons of the game in years to come. That said, he may find wickets harder to come by than bowling at a stock of nervous rabbits.

 

Once the slip cordon had stepped back some 20 to 30 yards, a backstop had been introduced by the boundary edge, and a quivering M. Reeves played and missed half a dozen times, the grim realisation of facing a genuine quick on a shit track, with no sightscreens became only too apparent. After giggling at Mike’s ducking and weaving from the non-striker’s end, M. Bullock (0) would then see his stumps smashed to pieces and his brief innings brought to a violent end. J. Hoskins (4) did squirt a boundary off the precocious Strackher, but 2 balls later he was caught by a diving eighth slip. G. Carter’s introduction to the line of fire was even shorter; trudging back after his front leg was broken in sixteen places following an lbw appeal. Whilst this carnage was taking place, shell-shocked batsmen Reeves (5) and A. Mann (1) departed at the other end to leave the visitors floundering on 19-5. Suddenly The Mad’s lowest ever team total was within their grasp.

 

 

2007aug20e

 

Skipper J. Hotson is bemused by M. Strackher’s slip cordon.

 

Enter Mad Skipper for the day, J. Hotson, to hopefully restore some order. After watching Strackher fizz a couple past his stumps, Jake was elated to see his Worthing counterpart opt to take the young South African tearaway out the attack, and persevere with more friendly bowling. Together with T. Smith (14), the pair succeeded in passing The Mad’s previous lowest total before Smith was caught clubbing one too many [to cow corner]. N. Hebbes further accompanied Hotson (12), until the Skipper claimed the unenviable Mad record for being dismissed by the youngest ever bowler. A. J. Wood, all four feet and two inches of him, was just 11 years and 248 day old, when he tickled Hotson’s timber. Now that was funny – ha ha ha.

 

The Mad tail wagged briefly, and so it should have, since the usual top-order had sat pitch-side earlier watching the tragedy of this innings unfold. Alas, the Worthing Skipper grew tired of the ball disappearing over the boundary line and turned once again to their left-arm South African import. The kid duly sent Hebbes’ (22) middle stump cart wheeling out the ground, before a flustered M. Westmoreland blocked out his final 2 deliveries of his returning over. But any ideas of an unlikely Mad victory were ended the subsequent over when I. Howarth (28) was last man out trying to hit the ball into the council estate. A dejected M. Westmoreland was left standing at the non-strikers end on a monumental 0 not out…. Cruel sport this game of cricket you know [please check out the Milton CC game from earlier this year if you want a dose of irony].

 

 

2007aug20f

 

“Nick – did you know you had 4 arms? You freak.”

 

So that was it. The Mad were all out for 106 and the spoils of victory went to the genial hosts. With the 2007 Far from the MCC tour now officially over, the players remaining declared the Tour a great success and buggered off home.

 

More of the same next year we hope. Albeit with rather less 80mph yorkers on the final day of Tour….

 

 

* - Sport is as much a mental battle as a physical one – so if an athlete's confidence goes, it can seriously affect their performance. In extreme cases, the basic things seem impossible and no matter how talented you are, the psychological barrier can be impossible to break down. The condition is known as "the yips", but exactly what causes it remains a mystery.

 

 

2007aug20g

 

** - The pink PVC tour hat became the possession of the last Mad player to drop a catch [so it was passed around quite a lot then].

 

 

‘Spam’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Worthing Chippingdale CC

Played at Worthing, 20 August 2007

 

Worthing Chippingdale CC won the toss and elected to bat

Worthing Chippingdale CC won by 30 runs

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

07 / 147

 

 

 

 

 

35 over match

 

 

 

Team

Worthing Chippingdale CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

R. Dexter

b Westmoreland

32

 

 

 

4-50

2

R. Baumann +

run out (sub)

6

 

 

 

1-12

3

G. Avinou *

c Bullock b Mann

7

 

 

 

2-20

4

P. Wood

b Mann

0

 

 

 

3-20

5

A. Baumann

not out

54

 

 

 

-

6

J. White

b Smith

13

 

 

 

5-88

7

J. Wilson

c Reeves b Hebbes

1

 

 

 

6-93

8

P. Brotherton

c Westmoreland b Smith

7

 

 

 

7-117

9

M. Strackher

lbw b Reeves

0

 

 

 

8-117

10

J. French

c Hebbes b Reeves

3

 

 

 

9-135

11

A. Wood

c Reeves b Bullock

1

 

 

 

10-136

 

Extras

(NB3, W4, LB5)

12

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 28.3 overs)

136

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Hoskins

3

0

8

0

 

2

Mann

5

2

5

2

 

3

Westmoreland

3

0

36

1

 

4

Hebbes

5

0

23

1

 

5

Smith

7

0

48

2

 

6

Reeves

4

1

14

2

 

7

Bullock

1.3

0

2

1

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

M. K. Reeves

c Dexter b Brotherton

5

(17)

1

-

2-14

2

M. Bullock

b Straker

0

(3)

-

-

1-11

3

A. G. Mann

c R. Baumann b A. Baumann

1

(7)

-

-

5-19

4

J. D. Hoskins

c Wilson b Straker

4

(7)

1

-

3-18

5

G. Carter

lbw b Straker

0

(1)

-

-

4-18

6

J. Hotson *

b A. Wood

12

(47)

-

-

7-70

7

T. P. W. Smith

c R. Baumann b Wilson

14

(24)

2

-

6-42

8

N. J. Hebbes

b Straker

22

(42)

1

-

8-102

9

I. Howarth +

b Brotherton

28

(14)

4

1

9-106

10

M. T. Westmoreland

not out

0

(2)

-

-

-

11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(W7, LB3, B10)

20

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 27.2 overs)

106

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Strackher

4

2

5

4

 

2

Brotherton

3.2

1

11

2

 

3

A. Baumann

1

1

0

1

 

4

Wilson

5

2

9

1

 

5

French

4

1

11

0

 

6

A. Wood

5

0

30

1

 

7

P. Wood

5

0

23

0

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  M. Reeves

Champagne Moment:  M. Bullock’s slip catch

Buffet Award:  M. Westmoreland’s dairy banquet

                           

 

Opposition:  V044 / 01

Ground:  G034 / 01

Captain:  C012 / 02